Keeps gettin better

These last 2 weeks have been flying by and now the first game is in less than 2 days! My days have been consumed by classes, cheerleading, new friends, new boyfriend and homework. I love it. I am definitely losing the freshman 15 between leancuisines between class and practice, walking all over the place, kick ass workouts at the rec, and practices that kick my ass just as much. Life is good in Huntington West Virginia! I am surrounded by good people, good energy and good fun! I am thriving here and I love the way I feel!
Practices have been good. I am finally breaking that self made shell of shy and stoicness. Richie actually just texted me this afternoon and said lets tumble tomorrow because I know you can do it and I dont want you to be stressed about it anymore. That was sooo sweet and meant so much to me! Its great to have a kind of mike here that I know totally has my back at all times!
The first volleyball game was last night and I didnt think I would be nervous but I was a little. I totally forgot what cheering in front of a crowd is like! I'm so glad I had that before the big game on Saturday! Speaking of big games, I'm on the Virginia Tech trip! The very first away game if the year!! I am so pumped! So things in the world of krista are wonderful :)

a great start to my new life

I am loving life here on campus! Even cheerleading is stressing me out less. I'm concentrating more on my own personal improvement than on what everyone else is doing and I feel myself getting better and stronger everyday. We've been running the stairs in the arena which is tough but I definitely feel like it gets easier every time. Tonight we have practice early and were supposed to go until 10 but after a weekend FULLL of events Duane has decided to cut practice short. Thank Heaven! I hung out with a lacrosse player named Calvin on friday. He's so nice and wayyyyy cute! We're hanging out tomorrow I think. Come to think of it tomorrow is packed! Class from 10-12, lunch, class 1-3 workout, kroger with a friend to get stuff to make breakfast on saturday before the game for some people, dinner of some sort, Young Life leader training 7-8 and then something with Calvin. Whew I'm thinking I'll be studying during that little in between time!
Practice ended up being over at 8:30 which was amazing! So I went to Happy Hour at Applebees with a couple people. I am just having so much fun in college. My tumbling and stunting gets better every practice so I cant complain about anything really!

Pushing through!

I'm trying really hard not to stress for practice. I've been feeling a little homesick today and have been feeling a little under the weather with an upset stomach. I talked to Natalie last night and she really helped me. I am determined to be more aggressive tonight! I'm so determined to push through this trying time and know that soon I'll be looking back on it saying that was nothing! Tonight I am going to have the best practice ever! Deep breath! Time to show my coaches how I really am!

great beginnings and endings

What an eventful day today has been! It started at 8 with a shower and some e-mails back home to little brother and sister. My first class was at 10. Business communications which was pretty cool and laid back. my second class was right after that and it was math with this little asian lady that hardly spoke english! But she was really nice and explained things as well as she could. at noon Rebecca and I went to lunch at the dining hall which was more of a snack consisting of a little salad, some cottage cheese and 2 melon wedges. So my last 2 classes were UNI 101 which was awesome because I have an awesome teacher and english which sucked because I think I'm stuck in retard enlgish with a teacher who uses words like "Knapsack" and "writing inplement" so rebecca and I met up with 2 other girls to go work out around 4 which was great except all the stupid boys were hogging the free weights! So i ran a lot more than I thought and would and was really proud of myself! Then I came back worked on some homework and saw that a bunch of people had been stunting and didnt care to tell me about it. How nice right?? So that pretty much pissed me off and I tried to let it go but then Corey asked me to go out to dinner so I was like ok whatever. Well he ended up having to bring his 2 year old sister and that just sent my stress level sky rocketing A. because i looked like an 18 year old mother and B. because i was not in the mood to deal with her which I ended up doing while Corey was passive. So I was very relieved to get back to the room and hang out and BLOG!! I just hapened to get a chance to talk to one of my coaches who gave me a little tough love and a pep talk :) So the day was definitely great beginning and end with a bit of a rough middle. Tomorrow is going to be GRRRREAT! :)

settling in :)

well tomorrow is my first day of classes so today my room mate and I are going to adventure around campus a bit. Have brunch in the dining hall, find our mail boxes, class rooms, etc. I'm really excited to start classes tomorrow and meet some more people. We worked an event called RecFest yesterday at the new rec center which was really like an open house and was pretty cool! My roommate rebecca is definitely different from me but shes really nice and we have very similar ideas and values. I went out last night to a friends party at a bar and it was ok but its not as much fun when youre not drinking thats for SURE!!! So I was home by 12. and rebecca and i talked an chatted a while before going to sleep. Today we have practice and I'm a little nervouse but I think we'll be spending a lot of time on dances and cheers which will distract from tumbling!!!! thank HEAVEN!!! So I'm just trying not to think about it or worry about it.

finally here!!!

I'm HERE!!!! I have now been a college student for over 24 hours now! Dad and I got everything moved in by noon and by the afternoon and this morning there were only details to worry about! Dad and I spent most of the day today doing things together like setting up my wireless, running to WalMart for forgotten items, stopping by the bank etc. I have only really been on my own for a couple hours now. I'm so excited. I ran into a lot of people I knew today and talked to alot of random new people and then saw some of the team stunting on the practice field for the band on my way back to my dorm from visiting nana and papa. I'm not tooo stressed about everything. Right now I am just completely exhausted. I dont like not having mike around to tumble but its ok! Tomorrow I"m going to get signed up at the rec center early in the morning and then hang out and try to stay out of the way for most of the day and then have dinner with my roommate and her family! I cant wait to meet her!! Details on the move in tomorrow! I am exhausted!

Going away present

I leave for college tomorrow. I am a Marshall University student and athlete. Dear Jesus it snuck up on me so quick! I only cried once today and it was in the middle of my best tumbling day ever! My handspring is by myself and I need to get over the fear of that first one. the fear of the unknown. I only cried once today! I am almost ready to go. Just about everything is packed! Its so crazy! I am sooo excited and sad at the same time. There are so many great things happening but so many great things happening at home too!
They had a going away cook out for me on Sunday. Mom and Dad, Jess and Josh, Aunt Boo, Uncle Dewey and Jenna, Amy, Jason and Cabella, Whitney and Debbi and Matt and Candice. It was so great to just hang out. Gordon came over after everyone left and we hung out. It was weird. It was like all the tension that had built up since like October just kind of let go and we watched a couple good movies and laughed and cuddled. He kissed me before he left. Its so weird to think about because its Gordon but hey I'm not complaining.
Tomorrow is a crazy day and i think its the day that i finally hit my handspring. Its going to happen. Ican feel it! I am soo ready. It'll be my going away present to myself and to mike

great day

What a crazy day! I went out with Ashley last night and got in around 2 AM so was reallly tired today but sucked it up and helped mom by going to Easton to deal with Jess's broken iPod. I got home around 2:30 and was planning on a killer nap. No such luck I laid down in the quiet and all of a sudden people decided to show up. UGH! So I chugged a sugar free red bull and made a snack and went to the gym and spent the rest of the evening with mike whitney and debbi. I had a fantastic tumbling day!! Without even considering that mike made me keep my heavy running shoes on and I had just done some kick butt cardio and was crazy tired. I was really proud of myself. It was a relatively easy night but I was ok with that since I worked out on top of it. Today was a great tumbling day!!!
1. St. Paul girls pulliong off an awesome practice!
2. Getting Jess's iPod replaced for her
3. Lunch at Cafe Istanbul
4. 5 minutes of peace and quiet
5. Natalie's pictures from cheer camp
6. 30 minutes of killer cardio
7. jersey mikes!!!
8. spending time with mike whitney and debbi
9. mom understanding dad being a jerk
10. being able to sleep in tomorrow!!!1

6days please go slow

So the last couple weeks have been absolute insanity!!! Cheer camp was crazy intense and I was sooo Sore for the next few days! Then I had a couple days at home before I left for Georgia. Georgia was so much fun and such a great stress reliever. Coming home though I feel completely overwhelmed! I am packing for college and I leave in 6 days! When did this happen?!?!?!?! I am leaving my family and friends and so many others for a cmpletely different life. its so scary!!! I feel so scattered and weird and out of place. I dont have a routine and I dont know whats going to happen! I feel so scatter brained right now that I dont even know what to write about! Mike is coming over in the morning to tumble. tonight was good but frustrating a little. I felt like I was a little out of it like I didnt remember what to do lol. But its coming back to me. I just feel soooo overhwelmed. In fact I need to get some sleep. my eyes are drooping!

new week

What a weekend! Friday night practice was really just physicals and cheer Christmas. We got new t-shirts and uniforms! Saturday morning was pictures and then driving to the wedding with whitney. Sunday's practice was FABULOUS!!! The routine looks awesome and we really pulled together as a team! I felt no stress or anxiety I just had a great practice and let myself go. Tumbling has been going great. I only had one bad handspring out of probably 20 today. Mike said it just takes time now for everything to click!
1. the helpful people at verizon after i dropped my phone in the toilet (it fell out of my pocket)
2. Spending some time with jess and mom
3. mom and i both getting new phones. env3 i lovvve it
4. hearing from Dr. Kays
5. having a great tumbling day
6. not stressing about camp
7. Seeing amy, Aunt Boo, Jenna and Cabella
8. my big pink comfy chair for my dorm
9. bed bath and beyond gift cards
10. Sunshine

today was awesome :) it was an awesome tumbling day but not how I expected. I will elaborate when it's not so late.
1. waking up to another quiet rainy day
2. making whitney's weekend by suggesting she come to Huntington with us
3. drills :)
4. Lunch with Carrie and delicious Honey oat bran muffins!!!
5. long naps
6. Spending almost 7 hours at mike's tumbling, stunting and watching movies. and being converted from subway to jersey mikes
7. knowing that physically my handspring is amazing it's just waiting for it to click that is frustrating. As soon as Mike walks away i sabotage myself
8. Hitting 2 new tricks tonight :) toss lib hands cupie, and tick tock
9. Practicing fight songs
10. Cheering people up

such a great day!

Today was soo Awesome! I got up and went to Mass this morning and was reading from a book called Thy Will Be Done. It's a series of letters from St. Francis DeSales to people struggling with everyday problems. The topic of mine today was about giving our will freely and joyfully to God. So when Dad asked me to take Josh to get cleats I said of course and the rest of the day followed in God's will. Mike came at 1:20 ish and we ran out the door. I got to babysit 2 adorable baby boys of 7 months named Jonathon and Tyler. They were precious and a blessing to my day. Whitney went with me to stunt where I hit walk in Lib hands Cupie!!! Never done that before!! It was great! I didn't get to tumble today but I think that may have been a blessing in disguise. I was so set on today being the day that I could very easily sike myself out with one bad handspring. Tomorrow I'll have my energy and excitement up and the pressure will be on. I know I can do it. I can feel it. And after today I feel so completely not in control and it is an amazing feeling. I know that everything will be ok and that I am going to have an AWESOME practice this weekend!!
1. Mass :) such a peaceful place that leaves me feeling full of life
2. The steady rhythm of a rainy day
3. 20 minutes on the couch with a magazine. Just 20 minutes to shut off my brain
4. Jonathon and Tyler. Their sense of simple joy and contentment is an inspiration
5. Spending the day with Mike and Whitney. I always get to smile and laugh.
6. Baby Einstein. It's freaking AWESOME!
7. Spending some time with Josh picking out cleats
8. Hitting some awesome stunts today. Being way on it.
9. XS Energy drinks :) pretty much calorie free and taste AMAZING plus alll natural. No sugar
10. a clean room and clean sheets after Nancy was here today

What A DAY!!!

Oh what a day today has been. First of all and most importantly I had a BITCHIN tumbling day and tomorrow is the day. I can feel it. I feel SOOOO good!!!! It's awesome. I almost went and just did it after we were done but I almost feel like letting my excitement build is just going to push me that much more tomorrow. I felt soooo awesome!! EEK!!!!
The rest of the day was pretty cool too. I have realized that my feelings for Corey are completely Platonic. He showed up at the house this morning and I was just like woah. What is that? So it was a bit of a challenge during the morning and early part of the day to try to bring myself to be attracted to him still. He's just too borderline gay for me. He has alot of qualities that i absolutely LOVE. He takes such good care of me and just dotes on me like I am all he has ever wanted which is just lovely and sweet and wonderful and I love it. But he's planning our future and saying things like I'm looking forward to helping you decorate our house when I looked at a piece of art and said I want something like that in my kitchen. And he tried to buy me a hundred dollar piece of art! FOR SERIOUS??? We've only been a legit couple for like 5 days. SHWOW!!! I just feel like he's become even more of a distraction from cheerleading than a nice little distraction from the stress. He has become like a full time commitment. He's just sooo weird! Like mom and mike came up with an elaborate scheme saying Cabella was sick at Amy's grandparents house and I needed to go pick her up and watch her at Amy and Jason's. I even left and ran an errand so he would think I really went.
ok so ten good things from today
1. Blurpees at 7:45 AM
2. A bad ass granola bagel from Whole Foods
3. BEAUTIFUL weather
4. The Short North
5. People Watching
6. Unique art in amazing galleries
7. Inspiration to become successful so I can fill my home with literature art and culture
8. Whitney making me laugh
9. Mom and Mike coming up with such a great plan
10. A friggin titties and beer tumbling day

only today

1. Having a good talk with dr. kays about letting myself relax and not sabotage myself by stressing myself out and working myself up
2. The computer at Whole Foods being down and paying way less for what I got
3. preparing for a relaxed morning/early afternoon with Corey tomorrow
4. having a good tumbling day
5. washing my car (it's the cleanest it's been inside and out since i've had it)
6. Peanut Butter and Jelly :) (it's just always good)
7. concentrating on today and not the future
8. Mike pep talking me through some evening frustration
9. Making up a super cute cheer for Whitney!
10.Sitting in the sun with a magazine for a while.

I'm trying not to get frustrated. Here's the plan for tomorrow
1. get up early and work out
2. get ready to go out for the early part pf the day
3. meet Corey here at the house
4. Breakfast at Alum Creek Park
5. Short North and lunch
6. Home to hang out and tumble
7. Making dinner for the fam and corey

That is tomorrow and that is all I will concentrate on. Deep breaths and only tomorrow

a change in perspective

The weekend was so much fun! Thursday's date with Corey was amazing! We had our sushi and caught up and he loved his present. Mom and Mike and I ended up going to the other Hibachi restaurant for dinner and then just hung out at the house. Friday morning I got up and ran in the park before the golf tournament. The tournament was great! Kelsey and I made $640 dollars from 30 golfers! We got 160 and then Coach Pruett doubled it for us and the M Club doubled that! It was so great!! So mom made us dinner for when we got home and we just hung out until Corey came ovr to play Euchere with us. We almost won but ended up losing and had to do a shot which made me feel guilty because the calories in alcohol is one reason I don't really drink. So after that, Corey and I fell asleep watching a movie in the living room. He ended up sleeping on the 3rd floor for the night. I made him breakfast before work yesterday morning before I went to breakfast with Sarah.
I was stressing a lot over the weekend about practice and not having my tumbling and just feeling really overwhelmed. Saturday I just cried after mike and I worked out in the back yard. Mom gave me a book about mothers and daughters and it just opened the flood gates. I spent most of the day being pretty quiet which was a combination of exhaustion and frustration. But today I got up early to take Jess and Josh to church and felt completely at peace when I remembered, I am not in control. I have no control over what happens weeks from now only over what I am doing RIGHT NOW! I have been so much more relaxed and at peace. I think I'm going to start going to daily mass at least twice a week. Tomorrow I'll be getting up early to go see Dr. Kays but Tuesday I'll be there. I want to start writing doen 10 things I'm thankful for every day. I think it will help me put things in perspective.
1. Going to church with jess and josh
2. The beautiful weather
3. seeing you're a good man charlie brown in the park
4. discussing corey coming to Columbus on Tuesday
5. Bsking in the peaceful feeling that I am not in control
6. Some really pretty handsprings with mike
7. Getting to see Whitney. Her energy is contagious
8. Putting in extra effort and doing 50 toe touches just because
9. Watching old school with dad
10. Spending some time with the Gibbs

a fun filled weekend

Today I am just so happy to be going to Huntington. It's going to be a fun trip no stress and I am trying to hold on to this feeling so that I can revert back to it next weekend when I go down for practice. Today we're leaving around noon and I'm meeting Corey at 4 for a late lunch at a Sushi place. I absolutely cannot wait to see him!!! After that I'm going to visit my friend Quentin where he works and then workout with mike and hang out with him and mom the rest of the evening. There's only one other person working the golf tournament tomorrow which could really end up being lots of fun. Sometimes that makes it easier and it earns us both a bunch of cool points. Then tomorrow night Corey's coming over at like 11 after he gets off of work and we're watching the dark Knight. Our one date night got split in half so now it's 2 lol. Saturday morning I'm having breakfast with a girl I cheer with so it's going to be an all around fun weekend!! i think it's definitely a blessing and I'm looking forward to every bit of it

end of my rope

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope right now. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 147. Ok my clothes don't fit like I gained 7 pounds. Where the fuck is this coming from??? I'm feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed and frustrated. I feel like nothing i'm doing is working. Nothing I'm doing is good enough and it totally sucks. Mike is convinced that it's totally normal and it will shoot back down soon. Barbara thinks I just need to go back to logging my meals before i eat them rather than after like we used to. I just don't know what to do but cry. It's one of those days when giving up seems so much easier than keeping going but I know I have to keep going. So time to get ready to go out with molly. Dry my tears and put on a happy face.

overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated

The three words that best describe how I'm feeling right now would be overwhelmed, frustrated and stressed. I just can't believe I'm leaving for college in 36 days! Part of me absolutely can't wait and is feeling smothered by being at home and part of me is afraid of the unknown. It's one of those nights when a series of little events just slowly inches me over the line of mental equilibrium. Tumbling went really well today. Mike didn't have me do my handspring yesterday because I was just sucking and would have killed myself but today I got back in the swing of things. It's like I know he's going to make me throw it and revert back to my old ways so I can stay in my comfort zone. It's so close and I catch myself thinking what if i just did it right here right now. UGH!!! I just feel so imperfect and insufficient right now. I'm trying to just let go and let God but it's soooo hard!!! Mom and Mike and I are headed to Huntington on Thursday. I'm going out for coffee with Corey and then hanging out with them the rest of the night. Friday is the big golf tournament and then Corey and I are going out or staying in just depending on how we feel. We're pretty much dating at this point. He's so great. I was talking to him tonight when I was stressing out and he wouldn't try to fix things he would just tell me to relax, things are going to be ok I swear. I'll always be here for you. Just the most reassuring things. Lately that's all I want. I can't wait to see him on Thursday and give him his birthday present!! I'm so excited to get to spend time with Mom and Mike!
Tomorrow I'm having lunch with Molly which will be a great chance to vent and talk about Corey lol. Then I'm stunting with Gordon and finally hanging out with Kels.
I'm going to go take 10 deep breaths and say some prayers before I go to bed.

big day? I think so

So I'm pretty sure Mike is going to have me do my handspring today. EEK! But I'm ready for it! I've been waiting for this day and playing it in my head. This day needs to come and after this day it'll be easy. it's just the first one, the ear of the unknown that's scary. One handspring? I can tackle that. I can swallow my fear long enough to get past that first O MY GOD O MY GOD scary handspring that will make all the rest easy. I think I can I think i can. Little engine that could :)

some kind of insanity

Tumbling tonight was the most insane experience of my life. Mike showed up and everything seemed normal. He said 2 suicide runs and find a spot to jog in place. So I did and he came out and start barking out orders like hit the deck and mountain climbers, pushups, bronches, hit the deck, mountain climbers, sumo squats, frog jumps, hit the deck, jog it out was mixed in there too with high knees, jumping jacks and toe touches. Basically it was the most disgusting feeling pain inflicting conditioning known to man kind and it only took 10 minutes. It's called 30 second strength. You do each exercise for 30 seconds at a time and it is absolute hell. I started crying at probably half way or a little over and didn't stop until well after I was done. Mike was up in my face saying don't you dare give up. Don't you quit! Are you going to quit? Answer me! Like straight up military. After that all I had to do was 15 handsprings. Mike said I'm not planning on them being pretty. I know you're going to suck but it's about doing them and making the changes even though you're tired and in pain. For the first 7 he said nothing and told me to make the changes. After that he started coaching. After the final handspring he walked away and said handspring. After the shock that my body and mind had gone through I finally broke down. I wanted to just throw it but I couldn't feel anything. He came over to the mat while I was crying and held my face in his hands and said you know that I'm pissing you off and it's making you want to do it that much more. Are you going to suck it up and commit to this trick? Can you do this. I kept saying yes and I don't know. And he was still in my face saying I don't know is not an answer. You have this trick. You can do this and I am not here to let you get hurt. So he stood there on the opposite side of where he usually does and I did it, and then one more. He grabbed me in the biggest hug and I just cried some more. He said I love you so much and I hate being a dick. I had to laugh. He said you just finished that conditioning and then did 15 handsprings by yourself. How do you feel? I said give me 5 minutes and I'll let you know. A minute later I looked at him and said I feel like a complete bad ass and he laughed and said that's exactly what you should feel like. So I'm going to say that today was a 6 on a scale of 1-5. It was such a crazy feeling of fear and raw drive and desire. It was just me and mike. Mom was out there but it was like she just didn't exist. It was just me and mike. I'm already sore and can't imagine how I'm going to feel in the morning. lol.
Dr. Kays sent me a really cool e-mail today about running your own race. it was about not puffing yourself about when you're faster than someone else or feeling inferior when someone is faster than you. Everyone is running a completely different race in a different directions at a different pace for different reasons. I thought that was a really cool thought.
Mom and Jess and Josh and I went dorm/school shopping today! YAY!!! Everything is nicely coordinated! we even have rugs! My roommate is really cool from the 2 conversations we've had so far. My sheets are hot pink and my comfortor and pillows are black with these elegant modern white circles on them so at first glance it looks simple in sophisticated but underneath it's fun and colorful! We have bathroom accessories and storage and now all we need is curtains and a few more storage things. And a fridge and TV
So today was a super fabulous day and it's 1 week from today I get to see Corey!

the moment's approaching!

Tumbling the past couple of days has been "Titties and Beer" I am throwing handsprings by myself Mike says it's just not quite as consistent as he wants. I am hitting 6 out of 10 which is awesome because yesterday I was hitting 5 out of 10. I talked to Duane today and even catching up not even talking about cheerleading makes me feel so much better. The only thing stressing me out is knowing that it's really a matter of days before Mike says ok give me a handspring and walks away. I really need to mentally prepare for that and if he would have said that tonight I would not have been ready. So I give tonight a 4. I was focused on each and every handspring and all of my drills. I put 100% into each and every one. Realistically I should be doing handsprings on my own next week and now I just need to take the time to mentally prepare for that scary as hell moment!!

happy days!

I am the happiest girl in the world today :). I'm 100% falling for the most amazing boy I've ever met and this time he's actually here to catch me. I knew that by being a good friend he would realize that I was the one he really wanted to be with. I just knew it. We talked for a long time last night about what we were thinking and what we wanted and both of us want for things to work out with us. It's such a relief to not have to hold back what I'm thinking anymore. It's been so hard just saying do what makes you happy without giving my thoughts and opinions and feelings. I could finally tell him I miss him and that I was thinking about him. He needed me to be someone steady that he could rely on but I think now that he's realized how much drama Haley is bringing to his life, he's realized that he could finally open up to me too. He stold me how much it had killed him to not be able to tell me how he felt. We're going on our picnic finally on the 16th. I'm bringing everything and he is just going to meet me at the house. It's for his birthday so I want it to be really special. It's been a nice couple days here. The sun finally came out today which was nice. I got part of my work out done early but I have to finish later. We're going out to dinner with Nana and Papa, Ben and Peg and their daughter Wendy and her husband Chris and their baby Logan. So when we get home I'll do my strength. I haven't worried about cheerleading even once in the last 24 hours and it's the best feeling in the world. All I can do this week is make sure I do my workouts and keep up with my eating. Nothing can bring me down today I am a happy happy girl :)

simply happy

Good things are happening today :) It's still rainy and gross outside anf I feel incredibly bloated and munchy and menstrual but things are still sooo good with Corey and I. We haven't talked this much in a long time and I missed it more than I realized. I had an epiphany last night while I was laying in bed thinking and worrying about a million things. So I say I'm a Catholic and I tell everyone i know who's struggling to stop worrying and let God take control. Why don't I shut the hell up and listen to my own advice. I mean a lot these people have problems bigger than what if things don't work out between corey and I and what if I'm afraid to do my handspring and what if i suck forever and what if people don't like me in college. Seriously I think the God that created the whole universe can handle these problems. Seriously. So that has been my "Rainy Day Epiphany". My workout wasn't amazing today. I did my cheer workout and like 50 handspring prep jumps but I just feel slow and heavy today. GRRR I hate being a girl.

The Magic Kingdom was so gross yesterday and we were just wet all day long. It completely sucked. We decided last night to pack up our stuff and head to Sarasota. So this morning we packed up the van and made the 2 hour drive 2 Nana and Papa's. Best idea ever. I watched Fired Up! in bed and then did my work out, took a leisurely shower and now am blogging, once again from bed. This is what Vacation is!!! Not the above picture of our soaking wet clan.

I've been talking to Corey for most of the day and from the way it sounds I think things with us are going to start moving forward again. YAY!!! He's getting me a ticket to go to X Fest, a giant rock concert in Huntington in September that he's been talking about since May. He's soo excited and I'm excited to be able to share it with him. It will definitely be different but I recognize and even really like some of the bands in the line up so I'm looking forward to it. But he's already a gentleman and will not let me pay for my ticket. Chivalry isn't dead!!!! You can still be treated like a lady!!! I knew there was hope!!!

But anyway. Things are going good. It is not a good time of the month to have this much rain and darkness but I am working with it. Other than those 2 small problems I'm feeling great. I'm getting back to one day at a time. :)

last call = 11 pm

I am going on record as saying this is the most boring place I have ever been. Everything is 20 minutes away at least and that everything is nothing but shopping and restaurants. An if you want to stay here at the resort well all of the pools close at 11, right after everything else closes. I'm 18 years old on vacation. UGH!!!! I keep catching myself thinking "I could be at home tumbling and getting ready for practice and camp." But when I think about it, I'll always be getting ready for something. Eventually I have to let myself slow down and say, ok I'm going to take a week off. Well I wish this off week were slightly more what I wanted to do but I'm just making the best of it. I did go get my massage the other day and it was amazing. My neck was really sore the next day but surprisingly it was the only thing that was sore. We went to Epcot on Sunday. The best part was how not crowded it was. We went all over the plac and went on different indoor boat rides and the things wheere you're in the little seats. Eventually the Air Conditioning was almost tooo cold. lol. We went to Mexico to eat because Mom and Dad had promised Jush mexican the night before and we never went. BIG mistake! This place was nasty. None of us ate more than a couple bites. Lunch didn't really come until about 4 and it was a little cup of chocolate soft serve which I was completely content with. Yesterday we spent here and I got up and worked out and was out by the pool by noon with the intentions of spending the rest of the day there. It was WONDERFUL! I read on my chair, in the pool, at the poolside grill where I had a veggie salad with seared tuna for lunch and I read on my chair again. Around 4 i came back up to the room for a little snack and ended up spending a lot of time on the balcony with mom and my book. Mom and I talked a lot about me and me and corey. We've talked a lot in the past couple days and we are definitely back in a good spot. We've had some really big discussions, important ones. Like our stance on premarrital sex. Both of us grew up hearing it was a sin and we have seperately come to the conclusion that that's Bull shit. No relationship she be based on sex by any means. Sex should not be the goal of being with someone but if you genuinely care about someone then there is nothing wrong with it although it is something that definitely should not be abused which is why I am proud to say I'm a virgin. The best part of this conversation is that both of us think the best part of our friendship/relationship is how we talk and how well we talk. We talk about everything and nothing is a closed topic. it was really a good conversation. We talked about college and how excited he is to go to Marshall and that I had a lot to do about it. That made me smile. We talked about giving things a good chance when we get down to school. He proposed the idea and I said I want you to do what makes you happy and he said i know but what do you think. And I told him if it makes him happy I know it would definitely make me happy. So that's that and we're just in a good place right now. I'm enjoying hearing from him again. I missed that. I told him I thought whether or not there was ever an us we would be great friends but I wouldn;t mind being both and he said he agreed. So no matter what I think things will go well with us. Today we're going to the Magic Kingdom and all I want to do is see the fireworks and night parade because all the times I've been to Disney, I have never seen either and I didn't get to see it at epcot like i wanted. This is seriously the ONE thing that I want to do while here at Disney. So hopefully it will work out. We'll see! Hopefully the rest of this vacation goes a little better!

Massage please!

I needed a vacation so bad! We are staying in a beautiful Villa with 3 bedrooms and a full kitchen and all kinds of other wonderfulness. Yesterday we checked out all the different pools and what not. Today I think Dad and Josh are going to "Gator Land" which I have zero interest in so I think I'm going to see about getting my self a deep tissue massage. I've been planning on doing this since graduation. My whole body is in knots and I need a good massage. So I think that is the plan for today. I don't know what in the way of a workout is in the plan but I'll figure that out later. I think other than that I'm going to relax by the pool and read. I don't remember the last time I actually got to finish a book! I'm reading outliers by Malcolm Gladwell about the secrets of success and I'm learning so much about how it's opportunity paired with hard work not just just one or the other. So I'm going to finish that and then move onto Kate Gosselin's Mutltiple Blessings.

Picture in the Paper!!!

Last night's coaches' tour made the front of the sports section in the Herald Dispatch and guess what the picture was? That one right there! How amazing! For the kids especially! Those are the two little boys. Brenton is in the red and Timothy is in the black Timothy has the kitten in his arms where it was the whole night. I am sooo happy to see this simply because this memory means so much to me. It's amazing for me to look at this photo and know that there is such a beautiful and heartbreaking story in it.

Orientation was so dumb. I felt like I was going back to high school. We even got in small groups and followed around a leader. We looked at student activities that were mainly fraternities and sororities. So many activities didn't have a booth! And there were a lot of people who were just incredibly anti social. I did meet a couple cool people though.

Dustin is a jerk I have concluded. He's just all around yucky so I'm cutting those ties for good!

I talked to Corey and he told me that he is taking me to dinner next time I am in town and there is nothing I can do about it. He makes me happy. Did I mention that he texted me randomly the other day to tell me he was thinking of me?

Mike came over tonight with Whitney and her Mom to tumble. That was definitely fun and I was having a good tumbling night so that helped :)

My suitcase and room are a mess and it's driving me crazy! I MUST get organized tomorrow. But for now i'm going to watch Fired Up! or at least part of it lol.

heartbreaking and uplifting

Tonight I had the best experience. We had a Coaches Tour in Ironton Ohio and there were 7 of us that went. There was Michael, Sarah Dee, Nicolette, Sami, Kayla, Shane and I. I knew all day that today's tour was going to be special and it was in a very subtle way. When everything started to get going I notice 3 kids with their parents and they all looked very dirty and grungy but something about them caught my eye. I spent a lot of time with them over the night. I noticed that something seemed very special about these 2 little boys especially, Timothy and Brenton. Well while Sarah Dee was helping people sign up to be big green members I was the ONLY one (for the vast majority of the evening) selling raffle tickets. I was so frustrated but I knew that who was working and who was not would be noticed. I spent a good deal of time talking with the little boys and it just broke my heart knowing that this night was probably the high light of their summer. When everyone was getting ready to leave they went to get game schedule posters that we had sitting out for people to take. I heard one of them say "I want to get Coach Snyder to sign this!" and so I looked at Coach and said "Hey Coach can you do me a huge favor and sign a couple schedules for these guys?" Of course he said yes and he personalized one for each of the 3 kids and then did 2 generic ones for them to take home to their parents. The kids had no upbringing, they talked through the coaches talks, ran around like crazy but they were so sweet. It just broke my heart seeing them go home with bun bags of hot dogs knowing that was probably their breakfast for tomorrow morning. So I helped them make snow cones and did everything in my power to make it the best day ever. I honestly coulf have cried but knowing they were happy for even a couple hours and knowing I had even just the smallest part in it made me so thankful. Knowing that they had a wonderful night makes me so happy that I don't even care that 4 out of the 7 of us did absolutely nothing tonight. I will pray and pray for those boys and their family.

wedding number two

The wedding yesterday was great minus the fact that I was incredibly tired. There weren't really any flowers and they didn't have a wedding cake neither of which did i like but hey it's totally their deal. However she looked beautiful and everyone had a great time. And when it comes down to it that's what is important. The dinner was great and we had amazing cannoli for dessert (I completely polished mine off lol). They played great music and everyone there seemed to be having a great time.
Dustin's all star game was last night and they won! He called me while we were on our way home and I told him I'd call him when I got home. So we talked for quite a while last night.
Mom and I are headed to Huntington today and will be there until wednesday. We'll come home that afternoon/evening. I haven't talked to Corey since last Sunday when I left except to let him know there was a concert he wanted to go to coming to Columbus and it was a very short via text conversation. So it's whatever. I'm not going out of my way to talk to him.
I once again went to sleep around 1 and woke up around 8. There will be a nap today. without fail. But right now i am going to get ready to go workout. There will be much of that today too. I didn't eat terribly last night, but I'm just paranoid lol.

hangin with my boys :)

Such a good end to a good week! I wasn't at the top of my tumbling game yesterday. It was one of those days that you just have to work through and get past. I don't think the humid disgusting heat that was in my backyard helped any. But Mike said he was going to a birthday party for one of the girls he coaches and told me to stop by. So I went over there and we hung out until a little after 10 and then met gordon to play sand volleyball at a place called Spikes. I've always sucked at volleyball in general but it wasa great workout and I provided comic relief and got to sip on all of mike's delicious creations :). I was under the protection of my 2 favorite boys. It was sooo much fun. At ten til 1:00 I realized that I had a 40 minute drive home and should probably start heading out. So I didn't get to bed til 1:30 (i drove fast) and was up at 8:30. You would think I would sleep in.... no such luck. Oh well. Today is my cousin's wedding and I'm pretty sure it's going to be beautiful :). Hopefully I can stay awake today!

Already Friday!

This has been a great week and I can hardly believe it's friday already! Yesterday I woke up and went to the gym to hop on the eliptical for a little bit. Mike was at the fire station so tumbling was iffy and ended up not happening. I finally found a pair of jean shorts!!! And a great black pair of shorts too. FINALLY!! So I went to stunt at Fusion last night and had lots of fun. Duane and I did toss hands lib on the first try and moved on to cupies by the end of the night. Gordon and I worked full ups a little bit but not much. I was just concentrating on being consistent with the changes Gordon made to my jump. I'm really just enjoying some quiet time around here. Today Dustin and I were going to hang out early but he has the all-star game tomorrow and practice tonight and his dad asked him to help him with something so it didn't work out but it's no big deal. We're going to do something before I leave for vacation next week. He actually called me last night and I don't know how long we talked but it was a while lol. So instead of my date with Dustin I've had a day long date with graduation thank you cards. ugh. They are sooo frustrating and time consuming. But I should be thankful I have people who care about me enough to send me cards and come to my party. The electricity was out this morning which complicated things but thankfully they fixed it in good time and it was on by 11:30. Mike's coming over to tumble here in just a few minutes and I might go to open gym to night, I'm not sure yet. I'm hoping to have as good of a day today as I did wednesday! I'm just afraid of having too much time off with the trip to huntington and then vacation. All I can do about it now is concentrate on practicing hard while I'm still here. The rest will take care of itself. Well I need to get ready to tumble and then I see a nap in my future!

what a beautiful day

Today was such a good day :) I woke up and had a nice breakfast before I met with dr. Kays. He and I talked about how much I need to relax about everything because worrying just isn't helping. So now when I start obsessing I'm just going to relax and remind myself just how small of a thing I'm worrying about and even in the worst case scenario I'm going to be ok. Speaking of which, Richie called me last night and we talked for a while. He pretty much just called me out and reminded me that I was actually more outgoing at practice before I was even on the team. I have just put too much pressure on myself to be perfect and not enough just on getting better. So talking to Richie last night and then Dr. Kays this morning just made me feel so much more confident about practice and then Mike said the same thing today. He came over around 2 and we worked out in my backyard. I was "titties and beer" today!!!! My handsprings were so good that we even worked some tucks. He was so excited about how well I was doing today. So we got done around 3:30 and i left for the farmers market about 20 minutes later. I spent the next two hours there just hanging out with Dad and some of the vendors getting my usuals and a couple new things too like eggplant chutney that is DELICIOUS! We had dinner with a couple of the vendors we're friends with in uptown and that was lots of fun. Mr. Bildsten gave me the best shoulder massage of my life!! Which totally sounds creepy but Mr. Bildsten is like the funny uncle everyone loves. Oh! And there is yet another new boy if you can believe it. His name is Dustin and he just graduated from Pickerington. He went to school with a girl I tried out for Marshall with and that's how we got talking. We might go out Friday but I'm not 100% sure yet. But so far he's cute and actually my typical type lol. He's playing in the All-star game for football so all i have to say to that is...TOUCHDOWN! lol.
So today has been a wonderful day, beautiful weather :)

getting back to the usual

Today I finally felt like I was getting back into the swing of things. I tumbled for like an hour and a half and was done at one and realized I had 2 hours until i had to stunt. So I went to Whole Foods and had some lunch. It was wonderful :) I had roasted chicken and red skin potatoes and green beans. It was so nice to sit down and have a good, hearty meal at lunch. I really enjoyed it all. Tonight for dinner I have a piece of salmon, some salad, and some brown rice. When I came home I had a peanut butter chocolate banana milk shake and it was DELICIOUS!!! wow maybe i should stop talking about today's food and talk about how the day actually went. I woke up at like 4:30 this morning with my shoulders ACHING. I have no idea why and it wasn't terrible, just annoying. So at 5:30 I came downstairs and took 2 Advil. When I got back to sleep I slept much better but now I'm starting to feel that interruption in my sleep. Tumbling was great and Mike was really excited that we hadn't lost ANY ground in the week I was gone. I told him I absolutely HAVE TO have my handspring back solid by July 24th and he like laughed and said absolutely no problem. So that made me me happy. Mike had me doing handstand forward rolls and the first one I did I landed flat on my back and knocked the wind out of myself. It totally sucked but we laughed about it once I could breathe. So after that and my lovely little trip to Whole Foods for lunch I met Gordon to stunt. That was definitely a sight to see. Gordon was miserable from his summer workout and could barely toss me so i really had to work. It was a great workout for my jump though. The hardest thing we did today was toss hands lib. Which is funny considering we were planning on starting full ups today. Oh well we had lots of laughs and lots of fun catching up.
The rest of the night will involve me taking a long hot shower and eating dinner before I visit Fusion because Duane has a surprise for me and I have to take a check to Gordon. But for now I'm going to sit on the couch a little longer and just chill because it has been a lonnng day!

Finally Home

I'm not feeling fabulous today. My stomach is all yucky feeling. I haven't eaten much at all today and I'm still not hungry but I know I need to eat something. I've been babysitting Jenna all day and I was supposed to be done almost an hour ago but Aunt Boo asked if I minded staying a little late so she could run an errand. So of course I said I didn't mind and now I've been in this disgustingly messy house for 8 hours. It's a beautiful big home that is just trashed. It just feels dirty and I hate being here. It just makes me want to clean but I don't know where to start.
I got home from Huntington last night and I am SOO happy to be back. I just feel like I suck at life when I'm at practice and sometimes I feel like my team mates are asking the question "Is she only on this team because of her grandparents?" when they look at me. I know that sometimes I'm just being paranoid but sometimes I really just feel like I suck and it's not fun. The events were great all except one where I didn't particularly care for the girls I was working with but hey, you win some you lose some. They were new last year and kind of stick together in general. Luckily Candice and Jake who are married were there as well and it was nice to have them because I adore both of them.
Luckily this week is pretty quiet. Friday is Matt and Candace's wedding and I'm so excited for it. I'm sure it's going to be beautiful. Her dad died about 6 weeks ago from a heart attack so it's definitely going to be an emotional day.
So hopefully I will be going back to my house soon and I think i'm going to make a little breakfast for dinner and that'll be about it.

mountains out of mole hills

It looks like things are finally working themselves out. I really feel like I'm getting to know my team mates better and I really like most of them. Some of the girls that were new last year I'm not sure about yet but that's ok. I still have plenty of time to get to know them. The whole Corey thing worked itself out too. He came over last night after work and we talked. He decided that he doesn't need to be in a relationship at all and I was sooo relieved! Now all the drama is gone, we can still hang out as usual and it's just whatever. He's definitely going to Marshall and if something happens later in the year, so be it but for now we're just hangin out which I really like because I don't really have time to be in a relationship. So I really am just amazed at how well the whole thing was handled and I'm soo happy that it all worked out. I'm not stressing about practice either. I'm just like whatever, who cares if I'm not throwing a full. I sure as hell don't. But right now "all is right with the world" according to me anyway. It really was just a week when everything seemed to be bugging me at the SAME TIME. And of course, now on friday all is well. So it looks like God isn't a heartless jerk who lives to make me angry, he's just showing a little tough love to make me realize that nothing is really as big of a deal as I tend to make it sometimes.

Rainy Day Naps :)

I talked to Mike and Kels yesterday. Mike gave me a pep talk and made me feel much better about everything. Corey talked to Hayley, the other girl and was supposed to talk to me yesterday. but he didn't. So I'm kind of feeling screw him ish right now. I was up at 4 AM for the golf tournamrnt this morning and got home around 2. I slept like a baby for about an hour and now I'm getting ready to go to a dinner. I haven't been able to run in 2 days because it's been raining like crazy so I napped. Which I SORELY NEEDED because both times I have been OUT COLD! Tomorrow I'll spend LOTS of time out at the park because I have nothing to do all day and that makes me soooo happy. I will be sleeping and running. I was supposed to be going swimming with Corey but I'm not planning on that anymore. He hasn't texted me since he talked to Hayley so I'm just going to assume the worst for now. Which totally sucks but it's whatever. I think I'm getting sick too but as the week goes on I really just don't care. Nothing can happen this week that's going to just get me down even more. I'm over it all. I'm just done dealing with bull shit.

UGHHH!!!!!

I guess every week can't be the best week of your life and when it comes to a generally good life I score way high on the list! But this week would definitely not be adding to my score because it is SO up and down! Today for example. I wake up, eat a great breakfast go for an invigorating run, get cleaned up a little, head over to Pullman, spend an hour just relaxing in the bookstore and just when I think the day couldn't get any better it goes south. I get back to the car and wouldn't you know I have a parking ticket. Really? That's such a kick in the head! UGH! I CANNOT WAIT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday's golf tournament went pretty well. Myriah and I had to leave early to get her home but oh well, shit happens. We stunted around on the course and I STILL can't stunt with David! FML!!! Tonight's dinner isn't too far away so I should be home in decent time. I'm really looking forward to that! Ugh this week is just going by so fucking slow and I'm just tired of things going great and then not great and then great again. It's just flat out pissing me off. Running is the best way for me to get my mind off of things right now and i'm ADDICTED!

Long Day

Whew! It's been a long day! I just got back from a run in the park. I absolutely LOVE running after dark. It's quiet and peaceful and I can be alone with my thoughts and god knows there are plenty! Myriah and I had so much fun and I think she's really loosening up! We have sooo much in common. We're both dealing with boys we like and girl drama and both feeling like little fish in a big pond at practice. Things with Corey are still complicated and I'm still stressing myself out sometimes but after my run I feel AMAZING! So i'll have to remember what I was worried about later lol.

boys. can't live with 'em can't live without 'em

I'm getting ready to go to Steph's wedding! Unfortunately there's drama clouding my mind right now. Corey texted me yesterday and told me his singer who he had a crush on kissed him at their show Froday night. So now he's all confused and doesn't know what he wants which completely sucks because 2 days ago it was me...and just me. So I want to visit him at work liek I had originally planned and he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie after he got off work. We went to see a scary movie called "Drag Me To Hell" that ended up being kind of funny because it would never acually happen. He was such a gentleman and so cute! He held my hand and made me laugh and walked me to my car and kissed me. He texted me last night and said how much he fotgot about everything else when we went out last night but things were still confusing. I talked to him today and we were planning on going swimming on Friday and he was like "Can we just go as friends on Friday" and I played it real cool like of course I really didn't consider us together yet anyway. And he was like I'm still confused and I ws like look, just decide who or what you want because I have been there for you and still am but I'm not going to be your toy all summer that you're just going to throw away so tell me now if you think this is even maybe going somewhere because if not I need to know. And he said more than maybe but I'm not going to pla games with you. And it's just so fucking frustrating because I for real like him and he makes me do so many things I wouldn't usually do (good things) like be extra out going, see a scary movie, and kiss on a first date (I'm old fashioned I know). But he makes me take risks and I love it. So I pretty much just told him I had a wedding I had to get ready for and I'd talk to him later. I hate boys.
But other than that I've had a great couple days. I'm really working on taking it day by day and just doing what I can do. Mom and I have been so busy that the only work out I got in today was a half hour walking around Ritter. Which I really enjoyed until Corey texted me what I didn't want to hear. Hopefully Steph's wedding will help take my mind off of the whole situation although the romantic setting sure as hell won't there will be lots of people i'm looking forward to seeing. Well I'm off. One hour road trip to avoid stewing which will probably result in me stewing.

Little helpers

So I debated just going to work out and not blogging but I knew that would be a mistake so here I am blogging away. I'm really excited forr today! I'm almost packed for huntington and now I'm just going to hit the gym for a bit and come back and get ready to go to a graduation party for my friend shalyn with my family. Corey is working a double shift tonight so I think I may surprise him by getting some Iced Tea (he loves iced tea) at the starbucks next door and showing up at the shoe store. So I'm really excited about that too! Tumbling went really well yesterday once I finally got moving. Dr. Kays' couch paired with the relaxed feeling of an almost empty Whole Foods made for a bit of a rough start but once I got started I was ready to rock. Stunting went well too. Gordon is making me do more on my own which means a few more slips and bruises and rugburns but it's worth it. I know it will help in the long run. i talked to ach about how stressed I was and he really helped me out just by reassuring me. I also talked to Corey who was struggling with a crazy ex doing some things that were really inappropriate and it was really bringing him down. His band had a show that night so I knew he had to be on top of his game. It's amazing how easy it is to encourage someone and then look back on it and you realize that it was exactly what you should have been telling yourself too. So the combination of the two are really helping. Now I'm off to make friends with the eliptical for an hour or so. I'm takin a magazine and planning on chillin. It's a nice change from my everyday!

busy morning...that went until 4pm

I'm chillin on the couch right now. I was going to take a nap but that's just not happening so I'm talking to my coach on facebook and he's helping me get organized for next week. I'm not doing a coaches tour next friday which will be GREAT because then I can just chill beofre practice that weekend. He reassured me that I'm doing just fine and that I don't need to be stressing. So I'm feeeling better and a little more relaxed. I'm roadtripping monday with another freshman girl named Myriah who i really like. She's lots of fun so I'm excited. the 11th is really the only super crazy day. I haveto be in charleston at 6 AM and at a dinner at 5:15. YIKES!!! But on the 12th I will rest and I will mentally prepare for practice and things will be wonderful. I talked to ryan on facebook and he was really short and it was not making me a happy girl so I'm hoping it's just him being pissed about last night's game and not him trying to blow me off. because that would not be fun even though I still have Corey lol. But still! This girl does not get blown off after going out of her way to be supportive. no no no. So this busy day is beginning to wind down. Now it's just time to start packing! EEK!

baseball, boys, and balance

This morning I'm up at 7:30 getting ready to go see Dr. Kays. I honestly have to say I would have rather slept in. But the funny thing is when I have a veg day like I did just Wednesday, I think about how much more I could have been getting acomplished and when I'm busy I want to just chill. The trick is learning to want what I have. I LOVE having things to do! I love seeing Dr. Kays, Mike and Gordon. Right now I feel like I'm trying to find a balance in the summer of spending time with the friends I leave behind and preparing for the adventure ahead and I think I'm really doing a good job of that. Last night I was going to stunt with Gordon but he also had time today. WELLLL, this guy I've had a little thing for for a while, (his name is Ryan and he plays baseball for DHS) asked me to come watch him play last night. Usually I wouldn't change my plans and I would stick to going to cheerleading. But I decided why not go watch DHS in the final four. So I told him I didn't think I could go and when I could I decided I'd just make it a surprise. Unfortunately we lost but I had a GREAT time and I'm so glad that I decided to stunt today instead. So now I'm going to hang out with Dr. Kays for a while then tumble for a bit and then finally stunt with Gordon before I come home to start packing for my long week in Huntington. Speaking of which. Corey's band is doing great! They're the top slot where they're playing and they have their second show this week tonight! We're still talking and planning on getting together next week.
Well I think it's time to start this busy day! YAY!!!

let tomorrow be tomorrow

The last couple of days have been incredibly busy but today I have set aside as a day to watch movies, play with my new laptop (which I am posting from). it's really been a nice day. I'm just hanging out and relaxing. I've been talking to Corey and I think we're going on our picnic next Sunday which I'm really looking forward to after a very long week next week! Tomorrow is hell day with Mike. He said I'll probably be there for 2 hours so I need to rest and drink lots of water today. I'm doing a CrossFit workout called Fight Gone Bad. I don't know about you but that does not sound fun to me! I'm still stressin out a little for practice next weekend. I just feel like when it comes to tumbling everyone looks at me and thinks "Why is she here?" but I'm taking it one minute at a time and trying to concentrate on each moment. I'm still a little afraid of what if when i weighed myself I wan't just bloated and really did gain weight. Barabara said I'm doing everything right so I don't know why I'm worried. Well I take that back. I worry about everything when I'm on my period! Ugh! So annoying. But I'm trying and I'm taking some time to get my calendar set out as completely as possible so that I can see what's going on in perspective. I just hate getting so anxious about everythin that tomorrow will bring instead of taking today to relax and letting tomorrow be tomorrow.

Sometimes all you need is a friend (or a coach)

AHH!! Luckily I'm going to visit Dr. Kays at the end of the week because I am just feeling so overwhelmed right now! Between working on my tumbling, being at all of these coaches tours, still getting in time to see friends, it's all just really overwhelming. Even as I type this all out I think stop stressing! You can only do what you can do today...which would be Dr. Kays in my head. lol. But he's very much right. I can only do what I can do today. The coaches tour was a blast last night and I'm sure Kels and I's trip to Parkersburg today will be great! I just need to slow down and stop focusing on tomorrow, next week, and next month. I'm actually talking to one of my coaches on Facebook right now which is great because she probably has no idea that the questions she's asking are the things I need to get off my mind but she's helping me soooo much. She told me to focus on me and my goals and no one else because that only leads to frustration. hmmm I wonder where i've heard that before...
Well I'm feeling much better now. I'm going to get some breakfast and get ready for a busy day!

jumbled head

Graduation weekend is officially over. It's bittersweet. It feels great to finally be done with high school but at the same time It's a really scary time of transition and a really sad time of goodbyes. There are so many people I won't see every day anymore, some good but many I'll miss very much. I think it is finally hitting me as graduation parties and such come to an end that I am moving on. No longer is it just an exciting vision in the future, it is now an intimidating reality of the present. This morning I am really contemplating how much my life is about to change. One thing I have not been very good at in the past. High school was a rough transition for me and I don't want college to be the same way. I want to see this for all the new possibilities not what I leave behind. It is an opportunity to grow and experience and learn. I am trying to remind myself of that daily.
Things will calm down a little this week before next week that I am fondly referring to as "Hell Week". It will be all cheerleading all the time. I don't mean it won't be exciting and fun it will just be very hectic. But I am trying very hard to get excited! This week Mike said we will be working hard. I'm tumbling around 1 today. My goal is to get back to handsprings on the track but this time rebounding and pretty. I also plan on working handspring tucks on the trampoline today and completely fixing my round off which is still a little crooked. So today I'm feeling very thoughtful and contemplative. Hopefully I can sort all the thoughts in my head out and make them less of a jumble!

a titties and beer-tiful day :)

It's been a string of crazy days! And they're going to stay that way for the next couple of weeks! The good news is that they're going to fly by! The bad news is I have to practice slowing myself down to enjoy them! I woke up to Nancy, cleaning the house getting ready for the party. So my usual routine was shaken a little but it was okay. I'm getting ready to go to tumbling this morning and then meeting mom at Costco for some final party stuff. Tumbling last night went really well. I ran my own warm up. I went from trampoline, to trampoline with the floor on it, to pit and then down the cheese wedge. Mike said I did a bunch by myself down the wedge and 3 or 4 were good. So I was really excited about that. I'm hoping to have it back for practice in a couple weeks! Speaking of which. I keep stressing myself out about what if i don't have it back for this practice? Or What if I sike myself out again? I am getting better at quickly shutting those thoughts out and moving on to more positive ones! I know practice will go well and I am going to do great at tumbling today. On Mike's grading scale which is
1. ok
2. good
3. titties
4. beer
5. titties and beer
6. all out party
I was "titties" last night and I told him I would be "titties and beer" today. I know it sounds goofy and slightly inappropriate but it keeps things a little more humorous and less scale of 1-10. So I'm off to be titties and beer and then meeting mom to buy beer for the party. It's going to be a titties and beer-tiful day :)

One of those crazy days!

There are days that start out harmless enough. A couple of things to do here and there but lowkey for the most part, but they sneak up on you and all of a sudden you have planned out every section of your day that was once "Yeah I'm busy from noon to 3" to "well i have graduation practice at noon then I'll eat something for lunch quickly, get in the best 35 minute work out of my life before I run to the bank in just enough time to be at the farmer's market 10 minutes early to ensure a prime pick of strawberries, followed by a hair appointment after I drop my goodies in my car and scarf down a couple strawberries. After my hair has been restored to it's original beauty, Jessand sarah need picked up, fed and then I'll make a smoothie and update my blog before I take Josh to his lacrosse game, come home, finish updating my blog that I got interrupted in the middle of doing to take Josh to the game, then comb the dog, make dinner, and then pick upone of the girls that cheers with jess from clinics and take her home. WHEW!" Do you get what I'm saying? It's been an awesome day though! I'm feeling great and right now the house is quiet, I'm the only one here and I LOVE IT! So I'm going to enjoy it :)

a summer of great expectations :)

I finally have time to give you an update! Ok so since try outs I've still been stunting with Gordon and tumbling with Mike. Everything feels sooo surreal. I was in shock for a good 2 week period and really a little bit for a month until I went back for practice. That helped put in perspective the work that still needs to be done. I'm seeing a nutritionist who is helping me eat more to boost my metabolism. It's all a little challenging because with eating more I feel bloated and gross sometimes but most of the time I have more energy. And with marshall it's soooo intimidating! I totally threw myself off last practice! I let all the older girls intimidate me and I really should have been concentrating on myself. I've really been struggling with feeling like I don't deserve it when I look around and see all these incredibly talented girls! But luckily Dr. Kays is helping me rebuild my confidence and Mike is KICKING MY ASS in the gym! Speaking of which, Saturday was a handspring fest in a sauna! The gym felt absolutely disgusting! But it was great because I had to push myself hard and since I was the only one there I had a lot of one on one attention and accomplished a lot! I did handsprings beautifully on a floor on the tramp and then a coupe good ones on a really thick mat on the tramp. At that point I thought I was going to DIE! But it felt great to push myself like that!
In other news, graduation is this week. I took my last 2 finals today and I am SOOO excited! It is absolute craziness around here getting ready for my party on sunday! Parties have already started and the sad part is I'm already over it! lol there are so many people I'm ready to notsee again. I met a boy! In huntington! I was shoe shopping after the last practice on that Sunday (because shoe shopping is a more figure friendly solution for a bad practice than ingesting large amounts of chocolate ice cream. Thank God I learned this a while ago). His name is Corey and he was talking to me while I bought shoes and I ended up going back 3 times and he finally asked me for my number. We've been talking ever since and he'splanning on taking me out when I'm down there in a week :). I'm really excited! Ughh and I have no idea what's going on between me and Gordon but it's something and I don't really know how I feel about it yet lol.
For now I'm trying to enjoy being done with high school and working my ASS off for the summer while enjoying some quality time with friends and family before school starts. For now I am off to tumbling and after my hour long nap I should be ready to rock! It's going to be a goood night! I think we're working running tumbling tonight so I don't really know what to expect but I expect good things :)

Getting back in the habit

Ok so I've really gotten out of the habit of doing this so I'm going to jump back in head first! I'm getting ready to go over to integrity to tumble with mike for a little bit and just have fun and get some work done. It's gorgeous out side, perfect for memorial day weekend and I'm looking forward to getting out and enjoying it. I really hope to make big prgoress today. maybe get to handsprings down the wedge by myself again? That would be nice. I think that's today goal =]!
The beautiful weather is making me soooo HAPPY!! I'm so glad winter is over and spring is here...Almost summer really! It's really helping my tumbling I think! Well time to go get some work done =]

who complains about bigger boobs?

You would think bigger boobs would be a GOOD tihng but I cannot seem to be ok with it! I swear I'm getting more and more self conscious about it every day! But it's also that time of the month and I'm conscious of everything right now lol. I stunted with Gordon today and did pretty well. We worked on our routine for the talent show. It's been a really quiet week with Mike gone. I've been working out on my own everyday trying to do the best I can but it's hard not to take a break while I can knowing how crazy things are and they're only going to get crazier!!! I'm getting myself nervous for nest weekends practices. I think it's jsut because I'm the under dog, the freshman. I don't know what to expect or what I'm in for and it's scary. It's like, ok I made it but can I really hang with the big dogs? I have to keep talking myself up!!! I think I've gotten out of that habit since tryouts are over. My inner self defeatist has secretly taken over and I have to take it back!!! URGGGGH!!!! I have some conditioning to do and then get ready for school tomorrow. I'm so ready to be done!!!

I DID IT!!!

I am A MARSHALL UNIVERSITY CHEERLEADER!!!! On April 19 2009 I went to the Cam Henderson Center at 8:15 in the morning and the number 12 was posted on the list!!!! I cried!!! Our first practice was pretty quiet and easy and we had our spring game the following weekend. I know you're probably thinking "How could you not have this up already?"
It's funny. After try outs I basically went in to shock. The scariest part was realizing that I had this huge goal and I reached it!!! And for the last 2 or 3 weeks I've really just been struggling to get back to a normal routine. I was mentally emotionally and physically exhausted and every part of my being finally just said "Ok now I'm just going to be exhausted" and that's how it's been. Dr. Kays has had me set some new goals and that is really helping. I'm realizing that just because I have met this goal that doesn't mean my drive is gone. I can set new ones and be just as driven.
I met with a nutritionist. Her name is Barb and she's awesome. She's trying to get my calories and carbohydrates up which is a difficult task for me. I'm struggling with it a little on some days but for the most part I'm doing well. I've lost 6 lbs in the last couple months and I seriously think my boobs are getting bigger. I have no idea how but I just bought new sports bras because the other ones were too small. It's stressing me out a little because I don't want anything to get bigger but I'm trying to remind myself that even at my lowest weight I was in a medium sports bra (what I just bought after wearing smalls last summer when I weighed more). I think it's my medicine that's doing it but I just don't want them to continue to get bigger lol. They're ok where they are right now but much more and I really will get frustrated.
I'm stressing out a little the more i think about how much my life is changing. I'm leaving behind a whole life to start a new one and it's a little overwhelming. There's so much to do for cheerleading and I'm trying to fit in family vacation and a trip to visit my cousin Scott in Georgia and a couple side things with Kels. Plus getting ready to move to campus. I'm trying to spend some time with jess and Josh knowing I won't be here that long. I guess it's just change and as you can see I'm not very good at it. But I'm trying =]

MINE

After I hit my handsparing last night tonight is mine!!! It belongs to me! I will own my stunts and when my group dances I will be the ONLY one they pay attention to. I'm working it. I AM a Marshall cheerleader and there isn't anyone who can take this away from me!

Time to Shine

Tonight is the first night of tryouts. I've spent much of the day just hanging out and relaxing and and I have been going between worried and excited. Today is my time to shine! It's my time to prove to everyone that I deserve this and that I have earned this and that I am THE Marshall Cheerleader. Today is simply an opportunity. It is not anything more. Today and tomorrow are nothing more than another weekend. As long as I relax and do my best then the rest is out of my hads and I can feel good knowing that I have done my best. I love cheerleading and I am not going to let nerves get the best of me!!!

Have Fun

My head is so full of craziness right now. I'm so intimidates by try outs and I'm not even there yet. I'm letting the other new girls' insecurities make me insecure. I never fully got over last night but I'm doing much better. Mom "spotted" me in the park today and I did the first (and only) one by myself because I hail Mary'd and hit her in the side of the face. She's fien and I made it over which means that onviously that is the worst thing that can happen! I'm tumbling with Richie tomorrow before tryouts and I think it will be a really good warm up. I think getting my head around my tumbling early will help and that extra hour or so of warm up will definitely put me in first! I'm just working on thinking the best instead of thinking the worst so that I can use this adrenaline to my advantage! I know I can do these requirements! I've done them a billion times! I can do these stunts in my sleep!
Today was a pretty good day. After our walk, mom and I went shopping which really took my mind off things when I got into it. I got 2 books and the most amazing manicure kit. I swear this buffer thing is like Jesus. So tonight I ordered in chinese and did my nails. I was expecting to work out with Richie tonight but he texted me and said tomorrow would be better. Once I thought about that for like 2 seconds I realized how much smarter that was!!!
Tomorrow is going to be a big day but mom reminded me of something I had forgotten about since we left Columbus. Have Fun. What does any of this mean if I'm not having fun. Sure there's going to be stress this weekend but there is no reason to be making myself physically sick to my stomach!! I have worked and prepared and now it is my time to shine. My new life starts tomorrow and I can either jump on the speeding train or be left behind. After getting all of this off my chest I think I'm much more inclined to jump on.

Fight it

All I have to do is believe in myself!!! Tumbling tonight went well. I'm feeling some anxiety about try outs in regards to normal stuff. Just what ifs like any new person not knowing what to expect. I just have to fight these and KNOW that I can do my stuff!!

I'm so going to do this

I'm so ready to go to tumbling tonight! Talking to Dr. kays tonight and having Mom see me stunt really got me excited! They both really helped ease my worries about try outs. I mean really, if everyone else is so confident about me then how can I not be? I totally have this. I know I can do this and I'm GOING TO DO THIS!!!

A good but frustrating night

URGGGHH!!!! Mike looked at me tonight after I did my handspring ont 2 floors on top of the pit and pointed to the floor and said handspring and I totally let the opportunity pass me by. I didn't do it. He had to stand there. I played to many games with myself. It's ok though. Mike knows it's right there and I know it too. It's just soooo frustrating cutting it so close and not knowing what's going to happen. Tonight isn't as important as tomorrow. I have to concentrate on pushing forward! It doesn't matter that I didn't throw it tonight. What matters is that Mike's goal was for me to do pretty handsprings on the 1 floor on the soft mat and not only did I do that but I did it on 2 floors and then he told me to do it on the regular floor. I wayyy surpassed my goal even if I didn't do it on the floor without him having to stand there. I want to do it tomorrow night and I want to do it consistently by friday. What matters is that I do it 11 days from now. Tonight is done and now I just move forward

11 days

Try outs are in 11 days. I'm definitely feeling some anxiety. I'm tumbling everyday this week. I just feel like I want all of this work to be worth it and I'm feeling frustrated and stressed. I'm definitely excited and I have SO MUCH support!! I'm only afraid of failin and I know that I've technically already succeeded but I want to be cheering next year so badly! Tonight I'm just going to forget about all the stress and frustration and concentrate on doing what I need to do. I'm going to do my handspring tonight!!

twice

I DID IT!!!! I did my handspring twice tonight and I'm doing it on Saturday! I just got off the phone with steph and she said that if I throw it I'm pretty much guaranteed a spot. Oh MY GOODNESS!!!! I could shoot through the roof right now. I feel SOOOOOO good!!! I feel like the little engine that could!

100 =]

This is my 100th post! And to celebrate I can say that tonight I did my handspring 100% by myself! I did it once and I'm hoping to keep the progress moving forward this week! Mike said I did 70% of my handsprings everywhere (tramp, track, floor, pit) by myself. YAY ME!!!!

getting off to a good start

I'm going to tumbling a little early because I'm a little restless and in need of a good sweat so I'm going to hit the treadmill before I tumble. Tonight I'm going to let go and take my time concentrating on the things I need to fix. My timing and arching more. I just need to take a deep breath and stop rushing it. I'm going to start the week off well so I can keep up the momentum!

Without Limits

I watched the film "Without Limits" on my way down today. I realized something. I have never had complete and total faith in myself. I have always asked "what if?" at some level. Steve Prefontaine lived life having complete faith in himself. When asked what he believed in he said "I believe in Me." I think that is a more powerful statement than one would think at first glance. To believe in oneself. That's a big leap of faith. That is believing in an imperfect being and trusting that yourself is enough in all of your imperfections. So today I choose to believe in myself. Despite my imperfections there are so many things about me that make me more qualified than anyone else to be a Marshall University Cheerleader. If nothing else, I love this school more and know it better than any one of those girls. Unlike them I am a cheerleader at all times and I represent myself, my family, my God and the university everywhere I go. There is a spirit in me that no one else has. I have a passion and a drive that not one of these girls has. I have an optimistism and a work ethic that when compared to theirs is almost embarrassing for them. Not to mention do I do the fight song like I have known it all my life and stunt like I was born knowing how. And when I dance the floor is all mine. Sure they may have tumbling but I am the whole package and I will be the one with the last laugh when it is heart and desire that prevail over show and vanity.
Tomorrow will be even better than last week. There will be more people but it is ok because that means I get to shine even brighter. I will have a leg up on girls who haven't learned the material or stunted with the new guys. And even though the gym will be more full, it won't matter because I will be the one owning the room. I will be the one that people look at and say "Who is that? She's amazing!" There is more to me than tumbling. I am so much more than my weak areas. I have more strong areas than all of these girls tomorrow and I will turn heads all day long and make the coaches say "We have to have her."
I refuse to set limits for myself. The sky's the limit? I say there is no limit

So much better

I feel SO much better today after my good cry today and talking to Dr. Kays this afternoon. I have to remind myself to not be so tense. Tonight it's all about being the best tumbler I can be. That is all that I can do. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to work hard and continue to do what I can. I'm ready to tumble my butt off tonight. There is work to be done and I am ready to do it =]

Just you wait and see

The night ended just as dramatically as it began. I accomplished my goal after a frustrating night culminating in a round of tears and a pep talk. Timing. My only problem is my timing. Whether it's reaching for the floor too early or not reaching for it at all, that's my problem. I had a great warm up and started where I left off last night which was great. It was the middle stuff that got in the way. In the process of trying to fix my timing I got frustrated after an already frustrating evening and by the end of the night I just cried. As Mike tried to explain the little things I needed to fix I stood there listening intently trying not to let my chin quiver and he ended his schpeel with "and you're crying your eyes out." I shook my head no and he said "bull shit I can read you like a book. Come here." So he gave me a hug and let me cry and told me that I would be ready for try outs and it's better that these things happen now rather than later. So I did one more handspring into the soft mat with the floor on top and he said "See, there's your handspring. I didn't have to touch you." So we ended on that note and he told me that it was my drive and dedication that got him there tonight and it was that same drive and dedication that was going to get me through try outs. He said that it's the perserverance of the trick that makes it happen and that it's just going to click and I'll have it like magic one of these days. I looked at him and said "Watch me come in and just throw it like it's nothing tomorrow." and that's exactly what I'm going to do. No thinking. Just a sit with my shoulders over my knees, an aggressive stand up out of my legs, looking for the floor and a land. Right off the bat. Just you wait and see.

Rollercoaster ride

O My God it has been an interesting afternoon. Generally laid back but more stressful than I expected or wanted. Last night I was fine tumbling by myself. I sucked it up and I did really well and got stuff done. So today I was excited to gt to move on with Mike. I came home and realized that I really didn't have to do anything until tumbling. So I decided to watch Rudy for a little inspiration. Of course I was thinking about my situation the whole time and stressing a little. Well I texted Mike to ask him what time I needed to be at the gym and he said 8:15 but I may not be able to be there. I thought O shit and started getting frustrated and stressed and generally upset. He told me chad would be there to help me then called and told me to do the same thing I did last night after he couldn't get a hold of Chad. My goal was to do my handspring on the floor by myself TONIGHT!!! I was so pissed that he would leave me hanging like that. So he had to go and said he was going to call me back and then I get a text that says "nevermind, see you at 8:15 :)." REALLY!?!? I was crying the whole 5 minutes between him calling me and that text. So now I am a much happier girl and just HOPING that this really is the last time this is going to happen. I'm focused again and ready to do my handspring and in a much better and happier mood to do so. With a few deep breaths I will be ready to go. I'm pumped, I'm fired up because tonight is going to be the night I finally do it.

it's going to happen

Tonight I was supposed to tumble with mike but he had to cover another coach's class. I almost cried when he told me but instead asked him if I could come in and work on my own. So I did and I ROCKED! Because of my hard work tonight I'll be starting on the tumble track tomorrow night, no spot. I WILL have my handspring this week!! I'm going to do it. I want it solid before I leave for Daytona. It's definitely going to happen.

Making Progress

I did really well tonight. I moved on to the track doing them by myself and onto the wedge with mike. Mike says it's an easy quick transition from track to wedge to floor. I'm going to do it tomorrow. If I get it by the end of this week I will feel comfortable going to Daytona. I'm still a little stressed but not nearly as bad. It's under control now. I know that I will have my handspring before Spring Break. I know it. Tonight was a great night and I think that I will continue to make progress and if I do that nothing can stop me.

wigging out

I was completely wigging out today. I went to bed last night visualizing my tumbling and it was great until I started panicking and thinking outcome instead of process. Instead of concentrating on what I'm doing tonight I thought about 3 weeks from now. THREE WEEKS!!! How insane is that? I was so afraid I wouldn't have my tumbling by tryouts and that I wouldn't have enough time to do "everything" and I was oging to go to Daytona for a mere five days and lose any tumbling I have by then. Realistic? I think not but I battled it for a big chunk of my day. However, I did e-mail Dr. Kays who thankfully got me calmed down. I realized that if I go to tumbling tonight and give it everything I have, I could do my handspring. If I let go of my fear to succeed and just do it, I couldn't be afraid of what if I DO get it? anymore. So tonight I am going to do my backhandspring. I don't care if it is the last thing I do before I leave. I don't care if I only do it once. If I can do it once tonight I can do it fifty times 3 weeks from now and there will be absolutely nothing to worry about.

shake what your mama gave you

This weekend was great! I did everything I said I would do! I owned that gym. I had confidence that even veteran girls didn't have. I got spotted for tumbling and warmed up with everyone. I rocked the fight song and did really well stunting! Damien one of the vets said I was the only one in my group who had any idea what they were doing and Richie told me he thinks I'm going to do great but had plenty of improvements to make me perfect. I stunted with the new guys but we didn't hit much. Considering it was the last 40 minutes of 3 hours of straight stunting for them it was understandable. I was the only girl wearing a ribbon and one of maybe 3 wearing marshall stuff!!! HOW is that possible!! It doesn't matter to me lol it's just another one up for me. There is still work to do but I definitely felt confident that I will be cheering for Marshall University come fall =]. There is no greater rush than doing your best and knowing that your hard work is paying off.

Let it Rock

I am so excited for tomorrow. I know I'm going to own that gym! When I walk in with my hair and make up and confidence at a 12 out of 10 all eyes are going to be on me and I'm going to be all smiles. I'm going to go give Duane and Donna a big hug and say hello to all the guys and girls on the squad while I help roll out mats as other new girls arrive. When Duane calls everyone in to let us know how everything is going to go I'll smile and listen attentively and as we spreadout I'll introduce myself to one of the other new girls. As we stretch we'll talk about where we're from and things like that. We'll spread out to corners to tumble and I'll introduce myself to the other girls and learn more about them. I'll remember their names and cheer for them when they tumble.
When they split us off into stations I will be enthusiastic to go to whichever one I am sent to. I will concentrate fully on learning the dance and fight song and performing full out as I catch on quickly. When I go to stunt I will give every guy a shot and smile and say ok when they tell me to fix something. I will support the other girls and give them tips when I can. I will always stay positive and I will make everyone in the Henderson Center say "Wow. She was born to be a Marshall Cheerleader!"

Focused to Frazzled

*Sigh* So tonight I went in to tumble set on having an amazing night and blowing mike away with my sweet skills. However, sneaky sneaky mike had 3 more girls come work on their tumbling while I had my private. He wasn't really coaching them, just had them around so I felt some pressure. It worked. After warming up pretty handsprings on the tramp as the girls trickled in I went from focused to frazzled. Drills that I've hit hundreds of times were getting sloppy and ugly. After a half hour of this Mike looked at me and asked "Why are you letting them get to you like this? Do you think I did this on accident?" Then he proceeded to explain "This is what it's going to be like and you have to hit your shit anyway. Stop letting them get to you and do your stuff. You know how to do these drills and that's all they are...drills. So get them done." He later said "You're going to have days like this when you can't hit dick but you have to go back and work the basics. You have a handspring it's just working your timing. It's going to happen. You're going to walk in here one dy saying 'I have a hanspring' and just start hitting them. You'll see."
So as frustrated as I am that things didn't go the way I wanted I realize that I grew mentally and had to actually practice putting the blinders on instead of just thinking about it and talking about it. So here's to prettier tumbling and a weekend of keeping the horse blinders on. And here's to concentrating on building my building.

I am

I'm nervous for tumbling tonight. Mike told me tonight's going to be an ass kicker. I'm also nervous for open gyms this weekend!!! I feel like it's already here and I'm sooo afraid i'm not ready! I mean I'm really excited and everything but AHH!!! It's here! It's time for me to prove that I want to be a marshall cheerleader and show the coaches I deserve it more than the next girl. I just keeo telling myself I'm ready and that I'm going to shine this weekend and all these weekends before try outs. It's time to enjoy the home stretch before this process comes to a close. I keep telling myself all the wonderful things I am. It's tough sometimes but it helps
I am...strong
I am...a dreamer
I am...achieving my goals
I am...a worker
I am...beautiful
I am...spirited
I am...strong willed
I am...warm hearted
I am...a Marshall University Cheerleader

stress

I'm so frustrated. The funny thing is I stunted REALLY well today. What I'm frustrated with is my tumbling and mean girls at open gym. Mike said I won't have my handspring by next friday. I know it's not the end of the world but I hate the thought of going to my first college cheerleading open gym without any tumbling. I just keep thinking they're not going to get a good first impression and girls won't consider me competition for a spot and they won't like me and the people already on the team will think I'm a joke. I know that this is the WORST attitude so I'm going to turn it around =]

Worry: I still won't have my tumbling when it counts
Solution: Spending extra time in the gym now that fusion is over for me

Worry: My stunts won't hit
Solution: stunting twice a week instead of once and working hard

Worry: Girls trying out won't like me
Solution: me kind and outgoing. If I am myself there is nothing to not like

Worry: I'll go in to quiet insecure mode at clinics
Solution: Remind myself how much I deserve this and fake it til i make it.

I did all my stunts for try outs tonight in order. =] ALL OF THEM!! EVEN MY STRETCH!!! That wasa great accomplishment. Mike and I worked on handsprings and tucks and I did lots of jumps and some round offs. I just have to be more confident

Handspring: I have been working this so hard and I refuse to let this grain of sand be the mountain that gets in the way of what I deserve! I can do it and no one can stop me except myself. It is all up to me to do this skill

Round off Handspring: It's a piece of cake with power from the round off! With my killer form the power part is easy. I will not let my fears get in the way of my performance.
(positive affirmations)

gettin some variety

Practice tonight was hard but we had a lot of fun. As the season is coming to a close the team is getting so close again and it's making me sad for it to end. I stayed after practice to stunt and I really did well. I stunted with matt and duane. Duane and I did walk in hands lib and matt and I did hands lib. Dunae and I also conditioned and did 4 tosses and the 5th toss hit a chair. It used to take us a half hour to hit a chair. I was really excited and I felt like it was a good opportunity that I will definitely continue to take advantage of even though it makes for a late night. So tonight was definitely a good night!

girls just wanna have fun

Second to last Fusion pactice EVER tonight! I can't believe it's almost over. With the beautiful weather I'm just excited to enjoy it. I no longer have any goals for fusion practice not only because I never know what we're doing but also because my goals have changed (obviously). So at this point practice is more about having fun =]

they call me rudy

Tumbling was interesting. I accomplished more physical training than skill training and that's ok. Mike and I did a 2 mile run to warm up and I warmed up my tumbling on the concrete parking lot. My handsprings were ugly on the tramp tonight but I know what I have to fix and I'm going to let it go. We started working on tucks tonight and hada heart to heart about tryouts. Mike called me Rudy =] (like the movie). The funny thing is mom was thinking about that last night how she thought I was like Rudy. Another one of those super weird things! It was a good night and I feel like I accomplished things, even though it wasn't what I hoped to accomplish. Shit happens =]

just admit it

Ok so I didn't get to post before I went to stunt because we had company. I had a lot of fun tonight. I tried some new things and I felt more confident thanin the past. I'm getting noticeably more secure and comfortable in the air and knowing that I am a good flyer! It was soo hard for me to type that which only proves further that I don't give myself credit enough. I'm tight in the air and even when I'm scared I'll try something. I use criticism to change bad habits and I ALWAYS work hard! I have a strong jump and I'm nice to my base. I am A GREAT FLYER DAMNIT! I finally admitted it out loud! Whoo.