100 =]

This is my 100th post! And to celebrate I can say that tonight I did my handspring 100% by myself! I did it once and I'm hoping to keep the progress moving forward this week! Mike said I did 70% of my handsprings everywhere (tramp, track, floor, pit) by myself. YAY ME!!!!

getting off to a good start

I'm going to tumbling a little early because I'm a little restless and in need of a good sweat so I'm going to hit the treadmill before I tumble. Tonight I'm going to let go and take my time concentrating on the things I need to fix. My timing and arching more. I just need to take a deep breath and stop rushing it. I'm going to start the week off well so I can keep up the momentum!

Without Limits

I watched the film "Without Limits" on my way down today. I realized something. I have never had complete and total faith in myself. I have always asked "what if?" at some level. Steve Prefontaine lived life having complete faith in himself. When asked what he believed in he said "I believe in Me." I think that is a more powerful statement than one would think at first glance. To believe in oneself. That's a big leap of faith. That is believing in an imperfect being and trusting that yourself is enough in all of your imperfections. So today I choose to believe in myself. Despite my imperfections there are so many things about me that make me more qualified than anyone else to be a Marshall University Cheerleader. If nothing else, I love this school more and know it better than any one of those girls. Unlike them I am a cheerleader at all times and I represent myself, my family, my God and the university everywhere I go. There is a spirit in me that no one else has. I have a passion and a drive that not one of these girls has. I have an optimistism and a work ethic that when compared to theirs is almost embarrassing for them. Not to mention do I do the fight song like I have known it all my life and stunt like I was born knowing how. And when I dance the floor is all mine. Sure they may have tumbling but I am the whole package and I will be the one with the last laugh when it is heart and desire that prevail over show and vanity.
Tomorrow will be even better than last week. There will be more people but it is ok because that means I get to shine even brighter. I will have a leg up on girls who haven't learned the material or stunted with the new guys. And even though the gym will be more full, it won't matter because I will be the one owning the room. I will be the one that people look at and say "Who is that? She's amazing!" There is more to me than tumbling. I am so much more than my weak areas. I have more strong areas than all of these girls tomorrow and I will turn heads all day long and make the coaches say "We have to have her."
I refuse to set limits for myself. The sky's the limit? I say there is no limit

So much better

I feel SO much better today after my good cry today and talking to Dr. Kays this afternoon. I have to remind myself to not be so tense. Tonight it's all about being the best tumbler I can be. That is all that I can do. I'm not going to stress. I'm going to work hard and continue to do what I can. I'm ready to tumble my butt off tonight. There is work to be done and I am ready to do it =]

Just you wait and see

The night ended just as dramatically as it began. I accomplished my goal after a frustrating night culminating in a round of tears and a pep talk. Timing. My only problem is my timing. Whether it's reaching for the floor too early or not reaching for it at all, that's my problem. I had a great warm up and started where I left off last night which was great. It was the middle stuff that got in the way. In the process of trying to fix my timing I got frustrated after an already frustrating evening and by the end of the night I just cried. As Mike tried to explain the little things I needed to fix I stood there listening intently trying not to let my chin quiver and he ended his schpeel with "and you're crying your eyes out." I shook my head no and he said "bull shit I can read you like a book. Come here." So he gave me a hug and let me cry and told me that I would be ready for try outs and it's better that these things happen now rather than later. So I did one more handspring into the soft mat with the floor on top and he said "See, there's your handspring. I didn't have to touch you." So we ended on that note and he told me that it was my drive and dedication that got him there tonight and it was that same drive and dedication that was going to get me through try outs. He said that it's the perserverance of the trick that makes it happen and that it's just going to click and I'll have it like magic one of these days. I looked at him and said "Watch me come in and just throw it like it's nothing tomorrow." and that's exactly what I'm going to do. No thinking. Just a sit with my shoulders over my knees, an aggressive stand up out of my legs, looking for the floor and a land. Right off the bat. Just you wait and see.

Rollercoaster ride

O My God it has been an interesting afternoon. Generally laid back but more stressful than I expected or wanted. Last night I was fine tumbling by myself. I sucked it up and I did really well and got stuff done. So today I was excited to gt to move on with Mike. I came home and realized that I really didn't have to do anything until tumbling. So I decided to watch Rudy for a little inspiration. Of course I was thinking about my situation the whole time and stressing a little. Well I texted Mike to ask him what time I needed to be at the gym and he said 8:15 but I may not be able to be there. I thought O shit and started getting frustrated and stressed and generally upset. He told me chad would be there to help me then called and told me to do the same thing I did last night after he couldn't get a hold of Chad. My goal was to do my handspring on the floor by myself TONIGHT!!! I was so pissed that he would leave me hanging like that. So he had to go and said he was going to call me back and then I get a text that says "nevermind, see you at 8:15 :)." REALLY!?!? I was crying the whole 5 minutes between him calling me and that text. So now I am a much happier girl and just HOPING that this really is the last time this is going to happen. I'm focused again and ready to do my handspring and in a much better and happier mood to do so. With a few deep breaths I will be ready to go. I'm pumped, I'm fired up because tonight is going to be the night I finally do it.

it's going to happen

Tonight I was supposed to tumble with mike but he had to cover another coach's class. I almost cried when he told me but instead asked him if I could come in and work on my own. So I did and I ROCKED! Because of my hard work tonight I'll be starting on the tumble track tomorrow night, no spot. I WILL have my handspring this week!! I'm going to do it. I want it solid before I leave for Daytona. It's definitely going to happen.

Making Progress

I did really well tonight. I moved on to the track doing them by myself and onto the wedge with mike. Mike says it's an easy quick transition from track to wedge to floor. I'm going to do it tomorrow. If I get it by the end of this week I will feel comfortable going to Daytona. I'm still a little stressed but not nearly as bad. It's under control now. I know that I will have my handspring before Spring Break. I know it. Tonight was a great night and I think that I will continue to make progress and if I do that nothing can stop me.

wigging out

I was completely wigging out today. I went to bed last night visualizing my tumbling and it was great until I started panicking and thinking outcome instead of process. Instead of concentrating on what I'm doing tonight I thought about 3 weeks from now. THREE WEEKS!!! How insane is that? I was so afraid I wouldn't have my tumbling by tryouts and that I wouldn't have enough time to do "everything" and I was oging to go to Daytona for a mere five days and lose any tumbling I have by then. Realistic? I think not but I battled it for a big chunk of my day. However, I did e-mail Dr. Kays who thankfully got me calmed down. I realized that if I go to tumbling tonight and give it everything I have, I could do my handspring. If I let go of my fear to succeed and just do it, I couldn't be afraid of what if I DO get it? anymore. So tonight I am going to do my backhandspring. I don't care if it is the last thing I do before I leave. I don't care if I only do it once. If I can do it once tonight I can do it fifty times 3 weeks from now and there will be absolutely nothing to worry about.

shake what your mama gave you

This weekend was great! I did everything I said I would do! I owned that gym. I had confidence that even veteran girls didn't have. I got spotted for tumbling and warmed up with everyone. I rocked the fight song and did really well stunting! Damien one of the vets said I was the only one in my group who had any idea what they were doing and Richie told me he thinks I'm going to do great but had plenty of improvements to make me perfect. I stunted with the new guys but we didn't hit much. Considering it was the last 40 minutes of 3 hours of straight stunting for them it was understandable. I was the only girl wearing a ribbon and one of maybe 3 wearing marshall stuff!!! HOW is that possible!! It doesn't matter to me lol it's just another one up for me. There is still work to do but I definitely felt confident that I will be cheering for Marshall University come fall =]. There is no greater rush than doing your best and knowing that your hard work is paying off.

Let it Rock

I am so excited for tomorrow. I know I'm going to own that gym! When I walk in with my hair and make up and confidence at a 12 out of 10 all eyes are going to be on me and I'm going to be all smiles. I'm going to go give Duane and Donna a big hug and say hello to all the guys and girls on the squad while I help roll out mats as other new girls arrive. When Duane calls everyone in to let us know how everything is going to go I'll smile and listen attentively and as we spreadout I'll introduce myself to one of the other new girls. As we stretch we'll talk about where we're from and things like that. We'll spread out to corners to tumble and I'll introduce myself to the other girls and learn more about them. I'll remember their names and cheer for them when they tumble.
When they split us off into stations I will be enthusiastic to go to whichever one I am sent to. I will concentrate fully on learning the dance and fight song and performing full out as I catch on quickly. When I go to stunt I will give every guy a shot and smile and say ok when they tell me to fix something. I will support the other girls and give them tips when I can. I will always stay positive and I will make everyone in the Henderson Center say "Wow. She was born to be a Marshall Cheerleader!"

Focused to Frazzled

*Sigh* So tonight I went in to tumble set on having an amazing night and blowing mike away with my sweet skills. However, sneaky sneaky mike had 3 more girls come work on their tumbling while I had my private. He wasn't really coaching them, just had them around so I felt some pressure. It worked. After warming up pretty handsprings on the tramp as the girls trickled in I went from focused to frazzled. Drills that I've hit hundreds of times were getting sloppy and ugly. After a half hour of this Mike looked at me and asked "Why are you letting them get to you like this? Do you think I did this on accident?" Then he proceeded to explain "This is what it's going to be like and you have to hit your shit anyway. Stop letting them get to you and do your stuff. You know how to do these drills and that's all they are...drills. So get them done." He later said "You're going to have days like this when you can't hit dick but you have to go back and work the basics. You have a handspring it's just working your timing. It's going to happen. You're going to walk in here one dy saying 'I have a hanspring' and just start hitting them. You'll see."
So as frustrated as I am that things didn't go the way I wanted I realize that I grew mentally and had to actually practice putting the blinders on instead of just thinking about it and talking about it. So here's to prettier tumbling and a weekend of keeping the horse blinders on. And here's to concentrating on building my building.

I am

I'm nervous for tumbling tonight. Mike told me tonight's going to be an ass kicker. I'm also nervous for open gyms this weekend!!! I feel like it's already here and I'm sooo afraid i'm not ready! I mean I'm really excited and everything but AHH!!! It's here! It's time for me to prove that I want to be a marshall cheerleader and show the coaches I deserve it more than the next girl. I just keeo telling myself I'm ready and that I'm going to shine this weekend and all these weekends before try outs. It's time to enjoy the home stretch before this process comes to a close. I keep telling myself all the wonderful things I am. It's tough sometimes but it helps
I am...strong
I am...a dreamer
I am...achieving my goals
I am...a worker
I am...beautiful
I am...spirited
I am...strong willed
I am...warm hearted
I am...a Marshall University Cheerleader

stress

I'm so frustrated. The funny thing is I stunted REALLY well today. What I'm frustrated with is my tumbling and mean girls at open gym. Mike said I won't have my handspring by next friday. I know it's not the end of the world but I hate the thought of going to my first college cheerleading open gym without any tumbling. I just keep thinking they're not going to get a good first impression and girls won't consider me competition for a spot and they won't like me and the people already on the team will think I'm a joke. I know that this is the WORST attitude so I'm going to turn it around =]

Worry: I still won't have my tumbling when it counts
Solution: Spending extra time in the gym now that fusion is over for me

Worry: My stunts won't hit
Solution: stunting twice a week instead of once and working hard

Worry: Girls trying out won't like me
Solution: me kind and outgoing. If I am myself there is nothing to not like

Worry: I'll go in to quiet insecure mode at clinics
Solution: Remind myself how much I deserve this and fake it til i make it.

I did all my stunts for try outs tonight in order. =] ALL OF THEM!! EVEN MY STRETCH!!! That wasa great accomplishment. Mike and I worked on handsprings and tucks and I did lots of jumps and some round offs. I just have to be more confident

Handspring: I have been working this so hard and I refuse to let this grain of sand be the mountain that gets in the way of what I deserve! I can do it and no one can stop me except myself. It is all up to me to do this skill

Round off Handspring: It's a piece of cake with power from the round off! With my killer form the power part is easy. I will not let my fears get in the way of my performance.
(positive affirmations)

gettin some variety

Practice tonight was hard but we had a lot of fun. As the season is coming to a close the team is getting so close again and it's making me sad for it to end. I stayed after practice to stunt and I really did well. I stunted with matt and duane. Duane and I did walk in hands lib and matt and I did hands lib. Dunae and I also conditioned and did 4 tosses and the 5th toss hit a chair. It used to take us a half hour to hit a chair. I was really excited and I felt like it was a good opportunity that I will definitely continue to take advantage of even though it makes for a late night. So tonight was definitely a good night!

girls just wanna have fun

Second to last Fusion pactice EVER tonight! I can't believe it's almost over. With the beautiful weather I'm just excited to enjoy it. I no longer have any goals for fusion practice not only because I never know what we're doing but also because my goals have changed (obviously). So at this point practice is more about having fun =]

they call me rudy

Tumbling was interesting. I accomplished more physical training than skill training and that's ok. Mike and I did a 2 mile run to warm up and I warmed up my tumbling on the concrete parking lot. My handsprings were ugly on the tramp tonight but I know what I have to fix and I'm going to let it go. We started working on tucks tonight and hada heart to heart about tryouts. Mike called me Rudy =] (like the movie). The funny thing is mom was thinking about that last night how she thought I was like Rudy. Another one of those super weird things! It was a good night and I feel like I accomplished things, even though it wasn't what I hoped to accomplish. Shit happens =]

just admit it

Ok so I didn't get to post before I went to stunt because we had company. I had a lot of fun tonight. I tried some new things and I felt more confident thanin the past. I'm getting noticeably more secure and comfortable in the air and knowing that I am a good flyer! It was soo hard for me to type that which only proves further that I don't give myself credit enough. I'm tight in the air and even when I'm scared I'll try something. I use criticism to change bad habits and I ALWAYS work hard! I have a strong jump and I'm nice to my base. I am A GREAT FLYER DAMNIT! I finally admitted it out loud! Whoo.

Thanks for making me a fighter

I think tonight did more good than it did bad. Even though Dad got mad at me Scott thought me going to tumble was a good idea. I didn't do anything crazy tonight. I just worked round offs and jumps and did some handsprings for the most part. The worst part was getting the blood flowing. I felt like I was going to throw up the whole time I was stretching and I almost cried. I felt really good that I sucked it up and made it through. So no matter what dad thinks, I was right this time and I know it. I didn't need to have a goal tonight. It was more about being strong and fighting through the pain.

Crazy or committed?

I'm going to tumbling. I'm still sick and I'm going to tumbling. Dad got mad and told me i was crazy and stupid, mike told me that it would make me stronger and mom just gave me permission to go. I hve zero motivation and I really don't want to go. I have no real goal for tonight because I feel like no matter what I do I'm still going to feel like I'm going to throw up. Ugh. I just want to get this over with.

Dig deap

I didn't get to post before practice because the site wasn't coming up. I'm sick. I'm not going to school tomorrow and I went to practice tonight. As much as it sucked it felt good to push through it. I didn't do my assignment for mike which was 100 leg throws and I texted him to tell him and he said too bad get it done. I'm sorry you feel bad but try outs don't care. He was right and I needed that extra push. Hopefully I can go to stunting and tumbling tomorrow and just not do anything crazy. It's time to test my dedication and really dig deap. I need to pay more attention to this blog. It's becoming more of a habit and I think I'm putting less into it on days when things are crazy or I just don't want to do it.

I'm ready I'm ready

I got my clothes back from the embroidery place today! I am READY TO GO!!!! Other than the fact that I feel like I'm 20 pounds overweight today but that's another story. I'm going to ignore that and go tumble =] I'm trying to concentrate and focus myself on tumbling tonight. I'm going to start off doing handsprings on the tramp by myself right away tonight. That's the plan. I know I can do it. I just have to remember what it feels like. Tumbling on monday was the best feeling. I loved it and I know I can do it again!!!

Bubble

Tonight I did pretty handsprings on the tramp while mike was on the other side of the gym. It was soooo EXCITING!!! I have never done that ever in my life!!! That's about all I have to say for tonight. I honestly feel like I'm on a high. A life high. and i love it. Oh and the title bubble is because that's what i think when I tumble. long story but that's my word.

no more drama

I've dealt with more drama in the last week than I have the last 3 1/2 years of my high school career combined. It started with my best friend and I having a huge fight and then today I found out that Kelly now thinks Joe cheated on her with me and it was a whole big mess. Thankfully instead of letting it have a negative effect on my performace at cheerleading I've been using practices as an outlet for all my frustration. At practice (especially tumbling) I'm concentrating too hard on that to be able to think about all these other things. Everything is happening so fast and I feel like I just want time to stop! I want to enjoy this time right before tryouts before everything gets even crazier. I'm optimitic about tumbling tonight. I'm feeling a little scattered but I think once I get in my car I'll have some time to clear my head. I don't even know what I want to accomplish tonight. I just want to feel like I gave my all and leave knowing I got better and have mike satisfied with my work.