conditioning. a fear no longer

Conditioning. A word that used to scare the shit out of me.
Seriously. I would do just about anything to not have to condition. I didn't want to fail and look like an idiot. That all changed this summer. I have never applied myself so diligently to a task. Last night we ran back from the park and paused and started walking for a split second until I thought to myself "What the hell are you doing? Anyone can walk. That sure as hell isn't going to get you cheering in college." So I started running again. When I got back to the gym, by the time I had caught my breath we were conditioning. I was determined to keep going. I never stopped. My legs already hurt and i would have rather sat and watched but I knew, I KNEW that this pushed me so much closer to my goal. So even though I had to take 3 Ibuprofen after practice and I can't move this morning, I feel so right. I know this is what I should feel.
I started partner stunting again this week with my coach. I hit my chair sit Monday. It's the first time I've flown since last fall so getting it back in 10 minutes was pretty good. Now it's time to move on up.
Guess where I'm going this weekend???? MARSHALL!! Mom and I are going for summer practices and I can't wait. I'm staying with a friend of mine who cheers there. I'm so excited. Yesterday I went and bought some cute new sports bras and sports bra tanks. I'm so ready! I'll be there ALL weekend. I think it will be a nice mini vacation for mom as well. Summer is driving her nuts. my brother and sister are driving her nuts and I'm really glad she's coming with me this weekend. She and I have bonded a lot this summer.
So this week is going to be filled with hard practices since we're off this weekend and a nice weekend to unwind but also keep working hard =]

1. strong will
2. God
3. my older sister
4. tie dye hoodie i bought yesterday w/ my older sister
5. my niece =]

birthday parties, exhaustion, colorful sports bras, and fat girl mentality

We have a whole week to catch up on! How did that happen? Oh right, life got in the way of blogging. How crazy. Actually it was a pretty busy week. I spent a lot of time getting ready for new cheerleader camp which starts today =]! I love teaching camps. (Plus it's awesome pay...think like over $10 an hour). So I had to get everything organized for that last week. Plus running my own summer training shedule in there somewhere. I actually got honestly "exhausted" by the end of the week. But i'll tell you about that one later. Let's see, Monday was a good workout and straight up camp stuff the rest of the day until my session with my coach. In my ADDness I not only put there names on top of there sheet with all the cheers on it, I color coded them. So they have name tags that match. Yeah. I'm hardcore. No 2 girls have the same 2 colors =]. I spent my monday afternoon watching wedding shows on WE and doing that. OH! and they all got a sticker too! Still working on my back tuck. My mom thinks I have the "fat girl mentality" when I tumble. Which means I'm a not fat girl who thinks she's fat when she tumbles and lets it hold her back. My goal this week is to get over that. Tuesday was more of the same. We got timed for running but my friend molly and I walked a lot. I did .8 miles in 9 minutes and 58 seconds. Remember this number later in my blog. Wednesday was SO COOL! My older sister and I went over to a dam near our houses and walked 3.5 miles. It was actually pretty brutal. Then I had another session with my coach. At this point in the week, exhaustion was setting in slowly. My mom and I went to a new wholesale food store in our area. It was so cool! They had like all the good organic stuff and stereotypical health nut stuff. LOTS of fruit and veggies. That was so cool. It was like the greatest thing ever. Thursday I did another double day of trainer and practice. (Note of reference to self: Not a good idea when on period). By the end of practice I was SHAKING! So my coach wouldn't let me run which was kind of disappointing because I hate being the bum who gets left behind. But in the end it was for the best. Except I started stressing that I wouldn't be able to finish (we figured out how to make it a whole mile instead of just .8) You see when you're the slow fat kid in middle school the words "run" and "mile" used in the same sentence are enough to give you a panic attack. So I got home and literally cried because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. I was going to run it the next day (Friday for anyone who has lost track) but my mother (who is often the voice of wisdom to my voice of impulse) said "Uh no, you're taking today off." So I did. (Against my will). Saturday morning I got up and drove to my gym. I got out of my car and my heart was pounding. I was so afraid. Even without the pressure of everyone else I still was afraid I couldn't do it. So I started running. And 9 minutes and 35 seconds later I finished. It turns out, I'm stronger than I thought I was. So I overcame my fear and now I do it everyday =]. OH! I also got a new phone on Friday finally! except the idiot didn't give me a charger but whatever. I've been chargin it in the computer b/c they gave me a USB instead. But yeah I got the Venus and it's PINK! I think it's awesome! And Kels and I went to lunch and ran errands. Oh yeah, I got colorful sports bras. Green (Marshall) Pink (favorite color). So we're closing in on the end of the week and therefore the end of my novel. Saturday I had the privelege of lifeguarding my 6 year old cousins birthday party. It was actually more like "Here, take your towel out and tan as you stare blankly at our children." because that's pretty much what I did. They were all so good. No one hit anyone, kicked anyone, drowned anyone, you get the idea. There were no injuries or tears. There was however, the annoying fat girl who asked me questions every 5 seconds. And my sister hung out with another annoying girl who was just weird so i left her alone. There were a couple of others but you'll have that I guess. Sunday we visited my Dad's side of the family. My grandpa's cancer came back and he's not lookin good so that was hard but we had a good time. That was pretty uneventful.
So it was a cool week and between fat girl mentality, exhaustion, cancer, and annoying children, the good still outweighed the bad

1. My older sister
2. tumbling
3. markers =]
4. Whole sale food store that was so cool
5. colorful sports bras =]

early morning blogging

so I just came in from trimming lettuce in the garden and decided to drop a line. it's been a pretty sweet weekend and now I'm sharing the office chair with my cat who has decided to occasionally dig his claws into my leg. About this weekend. It was pretty normal.
Friday I finally went to the pool after the trainer killed me AGAIN. I ended up not having to work at the gym Friday night so I stayed with my sister and her husband. Since I never get to see her it was really nice. Yesterday was graduation parties. The first one was one for this guy I'm friends with who I kind of made out with after I broke up with his best friend (Best friend is clueless). So he still wants me and is convinced that someday we will end up dating. The thing is, I'm totally not attracted to him anymore and he kind of creeps me out now. So that was awkward. The oher fun one was a family friend who is SUPER hot! There were some neighbor girls stalking him which was pretty hilarious. I watched them give me the death stare as I left because I looked WAY hotter than either of them did. I swear I'm not being stuck up. You should have seen these girls. Think junior stripper. So then I went home and got ready for another party which ended up being funnish awkwardish. You know those parties when the people that show up are just random and none of them are like all friends. That was what this was. But I looked really cute. Too bad there wasn't anyone there I wanted to impress. So today is waffles and Peanut Butter day =] My favorite. I need to find something for me and the little sister to do. So I will go make my breakfast and think about it.

1. my friend to save me from awkward grad party
2. my cute sundress i haven't worn since last summer
3. flip flops =]
4. my sister
5. the junior strippers that made me laugh

"it's like i'm running my own freakin 2-a-days!"

My first day of summer didn't go exactly the way I planned. I got a lot done though =]. I didn't get to go to whole foods but it's ok it was still an awesome day! I cleaned out my car in the mroning. Then at 11 I went and worked out with my trainer...who killed my core and glutes. It was hell.. but in a good way (if hell can be positive?...leave it to a cheerleader...) So then I came home and made a gourmet looking lunch of jerk chicken breast sauteed asparagus and some green grapes. It was deliecious =]. So after THAT I iced the cupcakes for my brother's lacrosse banquet and piped the teams numbers on them. But that was only my day before 2:00. I then proceeded to my grandparents house to drop some things off and do some more planning for Kelsie and I's trip to Florida. After I left there I went to the grocery store, ran home and unpacked everything. Funny side story about the grocery store. 3 cars got into a honking match for who was going to et my spot...BEFORE I even pulled out! And that's 3 cars other than the 3 that stopped in front of my spot ehile I loaded my car and looked at me like "Uhhh are you going to hurry up so I can have your spot?" To which I looked at them in response "uhhh no, because there's plenty of other parking spaces your lazy ass can have." So after the grocery store madness, I sat on the couch for like 1/2 an hour and then...I went to the practice of my life. It was the hardest practice I've ever had but I pushed through it better than I EVER thought I could. First of all, it's at least 10 degrees hotter in the sheet metal covered gym than it is outside. Plus the air doesn't move. at all. So we started with a 10 minute run outside, which i finished before many people on my team. Then we went through practice as normal. We did this stunt and I got to do the really fun strong person part =] It boosted my ego. The we did jumps and sanding tumbling which made me want to throw up and made my head pound. It was the worst part of the whole night. Then we switched off conditioning and running tumbling. I had to condition before running tumbling which wasa total bummer. Then we did abs at the end which I had already done a shit load of so needless to say it pretty much killed.
WHEW!!! That was hard jut to type! So today I'm feeling hitting the pool. That really sounds good. but since it's only 8:30 and none of my friends are up yet...I'll have to wait and txt them later. So I'm going to grab some breakfast and get my day started =]

1. 2 killer wourkouts in one day
2. not being as sore as i thought i would
3. a little quiet time in the morning
4. my day planner
5. breakfast =]

Summer begins =]

It's officially summer vacation =] I had my last finals today. Marketing and Algebra 2 trig. I suck at math. So of course it was my last final but I studied hard and did the best I could (barely passing). My marketing final was only hard because my teacher doesn't actually teach (imagine that...teaching the material.)

I'm sooo excited for summer. There is so much I want to do. By the end of this week here is my to do list:
1. clean out my car
2. put all my school uniforms away for the summer
3. finish my first book
4. go to the park =]
5. go to the pool
My schedule has been hectic but it's been good. Being busy keeps me focused and keeps me moving.
I will have been at the cheer gym everyday this week. practices have been going really well and I can really see improvements in myself and the whole team. It's funny because I come home from practice with so much energy and my parents think I'm like on speed.
The sunpoisoning is getting better. I didn't think it blistered but I was very wrong. Apparently it did. So everytime i touch it like when it itches blisters pop and it's freakin gross!
J called me monday and i didn't talk to him for more than 5 minutes. Other things seemed more important and then he texted me last night and i was like oh cool whatever. I think I'm really almost over him or maybe completely. it's nice. I feel really free and I kind of feel bad for looking at it like that but oh well.
Well I'm going to get started on the to do list. Tomorrow I think I'll clean out my car and maybe take a field trip to Whole Foods. The closest one to me is like 1/2 hour away. We'll see what happens. Well happy summer =]
1. summer =]
2. senior courtyard
3. end of algebra 2 trig for good!!!
4. cheer today
5. 2 a day workouts =]

sun poisoning and saying goodbye

Happy Beautiful Sunday Morning =]
I'm sitting here enjoying 2 toasted kashi waffles w/ peanut Butter and a hot cup of coffee. (My typical Sunday Breakfast) On this no bread thing, I always allow myself to have whole wheat waffles on Sunday. Today I will also be allowing myself copious amounts of aloe and sleep. Sunpoisoning has attacked my upper body from Graduation yesterday, It's terrible! I also realllly need to study for finals. I picked up my bowl that I painted at that place where you can paint pottery with fun things that ADD people like for an outrageous price. So it's going to be a bowl I fill with little challenges to do when I'm bored this summer. They all are something productive to me reaching all of my goals. I thought it was pretty brilliant.
Graduation yesterday was crazy. I went to J's afterward and it just hit me. This is all over. It's never going to be the same again. We'll never walk to another class holding hands or sneak a kiss by my class room. I'll never run into the end zone after a football game looking just for him. Everything that we were was built around my high school. We met there at a track meet, he asked me out at his car there. I surprised him after 2 a days there. When he goes to college it's really going to be difficult. So today, it's church (in a t-shirt because my arms and chest and face hurt), studying (ewwww), a light work out (probably take a walk and do some toning) and a couple grad parties (yay =])

1. aloe
2. waffles =]
3. my bowl
4. my friend S
5. end of school year