I have A Dream

I am writing today's entry from Huntington West Virginia. The home of Marshall University's Thundering Herd. We're staying at my grandparents house. Just me and my mom and it's really been like a mini vacation. This weekend was try outs for cheerleading and guess who got to take it all in? Me =]. It was amazing to see and I am soooo excited to try out next year. It all made sense. I could see it right in front of me. I could see myself practicing on that mat, in that gym. I COULD SEE IT! I have never wanted anything more in my life. Ask my mother and she'll tell you. I can see myself in that uniform, stunting on the sidelines, rockin the fight song, taking pictures with little kids, going to events. I can see myself practicing my hardest and conditioning and everything. It may sound stupid but I have dreamed of this for a long time.
Things are definitely turning around. I'm getting my confidence back. Going to the doctor tomorrow to see what he says about my thyroid. I'm hoping he'll just put me on soemthing to regulate it. I think I've actually lost a couple pounds. I noticed I've been eating less and my clothes are fitting better already. Now I've never been a big eater to speak of but I've definitely noticed a change for the better.
Kelsie got to go to New York this weekend to see the pope. I still haven't heard anything about it but I'm sure it was amazing. The closest I've gotten to the pope was being in the Vatican. That was an amazing experience. Apparently she got to see the pope mobile and she's bringing me back a magnet. =]
I know you're probably really tired of hearing about J but things have gotten ugly. They say all is fair in love and war and I can't tell if it's love or war. But it's been nasty. Messages, stares, just plain being mean to eachother and it makes me sick. It truly makes me sick. I was laying on the couch last night flipping between the Wedding Date and Remember The Titans and it was so weird. I just kept thinking about him. You see, he came down with us for a football game last year and we stayed there over night. The night we stayed there everyone forgot we were in there and we just layed there until almost dawn, talking and kissing and whispering and sharing and dozing off and waking up content knowing we were together. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life and one of the highlights of our relationship. I remembered it so vividly and I just began to cry. How did we go from that to this? It breaks my heart and makes me sick.
But I won't dwell on it because it is a beautiful day and I am off to go shopping before dinner with the cheerleaders tonight. I only brought sweats and stuff so I get to go shopping for a cute outfit =]

1. beautiful weather
2. tryouts
3. steff =]
4. peanut butter
5. my mom

GO HERD!

"Does Somebody have a case of the Mondays?"

We have a lot to catch up on! The ACT went pretty well on Saturday (minus not finishing math and not understanding one word of the science.) I did really well on the english and reading and I think I did alright on all of the other parts.
The girls did so awesome at competition on Sunday! It was so exciting to see them perform and have them be so enthusiastic about showing off what their hard work earned them. They got 3rd palce out of 3 but they competed against only 7th and 8th graders and no one at the competition could believe that they were all 5th graders. NO ONE! But they did get most spirited which had always been my mom's favorite award. They were realyl excited.
We found out what teams we're on next year for all stars. I'm on senior co-ed. I was pretty excited but I'm too old to go on any other team so I wasn't exactly nervous in the first place. First practice of the season tomorrow night. I'm telling you people we never stop. Now instead of having practice on sundays we have 3 hour practices instead. That's one less day a week, same amount of practice time. I'll let you know my opinion on that in the next blog.
Do you ever have those days that everything is cool, fine, average and then something or a series of things just screws it all up? Welcome to my monday! It was perfectly fine until
1. I got my report card (3.2 gpa...really low for me)
2. nutritionist appointment got my results back
3. today would have been j and I's official year and a half
So to elaborate on these
1. my grades are normally like between 3.6 and 3.9 so for me that sucked and I'm going to get lectured I'm sure
2. I have under active thyroid, high cholesterol, and lots of other issues. They want to stick me on vitamins galore and straight up veggies and protein. I pretty much feel like SHIT! THey put people who live off of fast food on diets like that. Not normal teenage girls.
3. that's kind of self explanatory. It made for a kind of awkward day and lots of memories and what not. I know who he wants to ask to prom...that kind of sucks too. Jesus Christ I'm going to die fat,ugly, stupid and alone.
So that's that. Maybe the fact that I'm pmsing has something to do with my self loathing mind set. Probably but for now it's not going anywhere.

blessings are going to be hard today:
1. that the ACT is over
2. that we're on our way to figuring out my issues?
3. I'm alive...kind of
4. A year and a half ish with J
5. nasty giant eagle salad bar salad?

sugar cookies = love

Well things have definitely been interesting. In the past week we have had a family crisis after coming in second at nationals. We basically got screwed (Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, WE GOT SCREWED!) Withough using ttechnical terms, the other team complained that we didn't lose points that we should have so they deducted some points and that dropped our score, obviously. I learned about this family issue while at competition. I don't think I can really share that one at this point. I don't know, I just don't feel right about it.
We had our cheer banquet tonight! It was delicious. They had te most amazing sugar cookies I've ever had in my life! You know the frosted kind? Yeah, they should be illegal along with crack and ecstasy and what not. We have clinics tomorrow night and I'll be trying out then as well since my Saturday is PACKED! it loosk like this:
8:00AM-1:00PM: ACT (kill me now)
5:30: quick stop at Planet smoothie for my friend's birthday (since there is no room in my schedule to go to the rest of her party)
Later: driving to ashland for my girls competition on sunday

Speaking of their competition...My 5th graders are competing on sunday. They are getting really excited and I am excited for them. As excited as I am, I'm also getting so frustrated! I know that they can do better and really practice harder and I feel like I'm not getting their all! I know every coach struggles with the same things but I just want them to do well sooo badly.

In general life is really good. This blog is really amazing me how much it clears my head and changes my perspective...=]

1. sugar cookies
2. pretty dresses
3. pictures
3. my 5th graders
4. my family (mom's side in paticular)
5. curling iron

If a number 2 pencil is so awesome...why is it #2?

....BECAUSE WE'RE NUMBER 1!!!!!!!


I am exhausted. Today was the first day of Nationals and our Senior Co-ed team (my team) is in FIRST! By 20 points! (alot)! This is huge for us. We get an automatic bid to worlds which is sweet. it has been such a long day and I am ridiculously tired. So I've got my uniform off and now I'm just chillin in my sweats. It's been a surreal day and I'm so happy I could post and share it with you =]. But I'm way too tired to keep typing and it hurts to lift my arm. I am so bruised I look like a dalmation =]. It's crazy.

1. Planet smoothie
2. a bad warm up = awesome performance
3. first place =]
4. S (girl on my team who carpools with me)
5. a really fun group of people.

"there's a fine line between dedicated and crazy and you're flirting with it" - Remember the TItans

So I just left the hardest practice of my life. 2 hours of non stop stunting and routine running. We have nationals all this weekend. Our last competition of the season. So by 10 we were all dying and kept going for the next half hour. I swear that was the dumbest thing our coach could have done because things went down hill fast and wouldn't turn around. But before that we've been looking really good. I'm really excited for this weekend. As a team we have grown so much and made so many bonds. It's amazing and I wouldn't trade them for the world. We have gotten so much better. Our tumbling has improved , our flyers have gotten more confident. Single twosts are now solid doubles and arabesques are scorpion arabesques. (I know most of you are thinking "what the hell is this chick talking about?" but just go with me here.) basically we've just gotten better all around. Personally there are still things I need to work on. My tumbling needs to get kicked up a notch and my jumps need some work but my endurance is up and I'm way stronger than I was during summer practices and definitely last season. So I'm feeling really optimistic about this weekend.=] Plus I found a lucky penny so that's sweet. I haven't talked to B in the past couple of days. Who knows, maybe I won't hear from him ever again but it was fun to be able to flirt again. I did miss J a little today. I still remember why I broke up with him and I'm not considering getting back together but there was a big hit of nostalgia today. I drove by his house on my way home. (even though it's slightly out of the way.) It was a pretty ok average day splrinkled with some wicked sweet moments and some trying ones too. I worked an event for young kids at my cheer gym tonight. Their parents pay a certain amount and the kinds come and play games and eat pizza and watch movies and stuff. It's actually really cool. There were some really adorable little kids and it seems like all of the little boys just attached themselves to me all night. (think 7 and under...ADORABLE!) My question is whay can't they stay that sweet and affectionate and honest and just plain adorable??? WHY MUST THEY GROW UP??? Or really the opposite...they're much sweeter when they're younger. So now I must go to bed and layer my body with ice aftr taking large amounts of muscle relaxers. That should take the edge off... This blog is dedicated to crazy cheer coaches

1. The shkels and Shkris summre extravaganza list
2. 106.7
3. neon poster boards
4. little boys
5. parties in kroger

breaking hearts and cheering hard

Happy High Five Thursday =]! (something my english teacher does). So I can tell J is really hurting. He's gotten childish and he's trying to ake me mad by doing things like getting rid of everything marshall on his facebook and requesting a bunch of girls that are going to alabama as friends and joining an anti-marshall group. The sad part is I don't think he realizes how childish it makes him look. I mean this is like middle school level stuff here. It's really sad things had to be like this.
In other news, B and I are still talking. I gave him my number in a facebook message today. So I guess we'll see how things go.
Preparing myself for 2 1/2 hours of hardcore non stop "DO IT AGAIN!!!!" practice tonight. It'll be worth it after all is said and done. Man I just realized last night that this is the last competition for a lot of the seniors on my team this year =[. That's a real bummer. We're a really freakin tight team so it will be sad to see them leave. Started looking at other school to cheer at. It's still marshall #1 and now Dayton #2. They have 2 all girl teams!!!! That would be sooo much fun. It's crazy that I base my colleges of choice off of cheerleading but it's the truth =] It's my life.
Today wasn't quite a musical but still a good day. Can you believe it's Thursday? I think this week is flying by!

Don't Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya

Remember that girl that about a week ago was wondering where her real self went? The girl who completely wasted her Spring Break crying over a stupid Boy? SHE'S BAACCCKK!!!! The real me that is. Monday was pretty tough until something clicked. Monday night and Tuesday morning. I remembered why I broke up with him.
1. He was a jerk
2. he was possessive
He sent me a message saying how much he missed me. It was really sweet but I don't know...if you've ever heard the song "Picture to Burn" by Taylor Swift, that's kind of how I'm feeling now.
So all week he's been trying to get me to talk to him after he was trying to be all touchy feely on Monday after school. I was like ummmm NO! So believe it or not this butterfly has come out of her cacoon. It's a miracle! Oh and hot airplane boy? What ever came of that? Nothing right? I dropped that at the airport...PSYCHE! I actually found him on facebook and he commented me and we've been commenting back and forth ever since. So cross your fingers ladies because I need a date for prom. Say a few prayers. Hell say the whole dang rosary. Not only is he cute...he's catholic, Republican AND going to Miami Ohio for business. =] He played football and soccer. SOOOOO cute.
Well practice has been killer this week and I have been really sore. Went to the gym last night to jog a couple miles before practice. We have nationals this weekend and i'm totally psyched. We've been working super hard and our routine has definitely been coming together. I'm feeling good feeling good! Jesus come to think of it I feel like a freakin musical.

1. iTunes =]
2. Kelsie (meet K...i now have permission to use her name =])
3. sunshine
4. my mom's london broil....yummmm
5. ORANGES!!!

p.s. thanks shkels =]