Make it Count.

Death Sucks. When people die it means awkward meetings with people you haven't seen in forever or maybe never even met. A death means a sudden change in plans. When someone dies it automatically makes a family gathering something to be dreaded. My grandpa died today. I never talked about him in my blog but he was great. He's been sick for a while and I've become familiar with words like Cancer, internal bleeding, ICU, tests, chemo. I knew he was going to die but not while I'm enjoying the highlight of my summer. Not on the day I was supposed to spend with Nana, Papa and Kels wandering our way through Epcot. But it did. Now there are events to plan and black out fits to be worn, flights to re arrange and vacations to cut short. I hate thinking selfish thoughts like these but it seems that I just can't help thinking things like, why now and couldn't you have waited. But when all that passes and I put on my big girl face I think about how much I can't stand watching my dad cry and how much I hate how touchy feely my sister gets when all I want is space (like continents away space...how about i just backpack my way to europe so i won't have to deal with it anyway). I think about how many people are going to line up and say "Your grandpa was a great man." I'm hsis grand daughter! Don't you think i FUCKING know that! Days will pass with people telling me all of the great things about my grandpa that I already knew. After I got over the shock this morning I realized that I now have 3 more days of vacation and I plan to pack as much into them as I can.
ANd through my cynicism of death I realized quite a romantic idea about life. It's about making it last and making every moment count. No longer can we say "Oh we can do that tomorrow" because we have 2 days less than we planned to do these things. It's not just about making sure I work out every day and always eat the right things. It's about feeling good and spending every moment with these people until I have to go back for 2 days of awkward family gatherings.
So this blog is dedicated as more of a toast to making every moment count.